


For the Mission

by areyouarealmonster



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: ColdAtom Week 2017, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-05 20:16:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11020797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyouarealmonster/pseuds/areyouarealmonster
Summary: Leonard and Ray go undercover at a couples retreat. What could go wrong? Except, of course, for the fact that they're both completely in love with each other and neither of them knows that the other is. Spending a week pretending to be a couple should beeasy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ColdAtom Week 2017 Day #3: Fake Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara rolls her eyes at him. “It’s a couples retreat for gay men, so no.”
> 
> “Ah, so you’re also choosing me because I’m very queer.”
> 
> Sara ignores him. “Would anyone like to volunteer?” she asks.
> 
> There’s silence for a second, while Leonard smirks.
> 
> “I’ll do it,” Raymond pipes up. Leonard’s eyes flick over to him immediately. _Interesting_.

Leonard drapes himself over the console, listening to Sara explain what they’re doing in this time period. Another aberration, apparently, but they can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong.

 

“—so, _Leonard_ , you’ll go undercover as one half of the couple. We’ll need your skills as a thief.”

 

“And the other half?” Leonard asks, glancing around vaguely at his teammates. “Are you stepping up, _Captain_?”

 

Sara rolls her eyes at him. “It’s a couples retreat for gay men, so _no_.”

 

“Ah, so you’re also choosing me because I’m _very queer_.”

 

Sara ignores him. “Would anyone like to volunteer?” she asks.

 

There’s silence for a second, while Leonard smirks.

 

“I’ll do it,” Raymond pipes up. Leonard’s eyes flick over to him immediately. _Interesting_.

 

“ _Really_ , Boy Scout? You wanna play my _boyfriend_?” Leonard drawls.

 

Raymond shrugs. “I mean, I’m bi, so it’s not like I’m pretending to be something I’m not. I wouldn’t want someone straight to do this, that wouldn’t sit well with me.”

 

“Is anyone here _actually straight_?” Jax asks, to a mutter of ‘no’ from everyone. He counts on his fingers, “Mick and I are ace, I’m biromantic, he’s aromantic; Sara, Amaya, and Nate are bi; Rip is pan; Gray is old; and now we know that Ray is bi, too. And, well, Snart, you’re just—”

 

“ _Very queer_ , we’ve been over this, kid,” Leonard interrupts.

 

“ _Old_ is not a sexuality, Jefferson, and I will have you know—”

 

“Moving on!” Sara cuts Stein off. “Thanks for volunteering, Ray. I think you and Leonard will do great at this, if you can stop actively trying to get on each other’s nerves.”

 

“I don’t actively try to get on Snart’s nerves!” Raymond replies, sounding slightly offended.

 

“And yet, you somehow manage to do it _so very well_ ,” Leonard mutters. Raymond makes a face at him. Leonard smirks back.

 

Sara walks them through the plan a bit—it’s a simple fact-finding mission, except for the fact that they’ll be undercover for a full week. On the plus side, that gives them a week to figure out what’s going on. On the downside, they have to pretend to be a couple for a week.

 

Well, Leonard thinks, looking over at Raymond, it could be worse. He could have to pretend to actually _trust_ Rip, or pretend to not want to throttle Nathaniel. At least half the time he’s not sure if he wants to strangle Raymond or shut him up by throwing him up against a wall and kissing him soundly.

 

Usually the latter, if he’s being honest, which he should probably start being, seeing as how he’s going to spend the next week kissing Raymond. A lot.

 

And the other half of the time, he actually might enjoy the other man’s presence. Not that he’d ever admit it out loud.

 

Sara finishes up and dismisses the team, but Leonard stops Raymond from leaving with everyone else. “Come by my room later,” he says quietly, and Raymond nods, his big eyes serious and trusting. Then he leaves, and Leonard sags against the console.

 

“ _Come by my room later_ ,” Mick repeats from behind him, in a mocking tone. “What’re you gonna do, practice kissing?”

 

Leonard shrugs. “Probably.” He ignores Mick as the other man starts snickering. “We need to be comfortable with each other, Mick, and that includes kissing. We need to make them _believe_ that we’re a couple. Plus, we need to get our stories lined up.”

 

“Did you know that he was bi?” Mick asks.

 

“No,” Leonard replies. “I…wondered. I thought he might be. But I wasn’t sure.”

 

“Man, your gay-dar sucks.”

 

“Yes, thank you, _very_ helpful,” Leonard says, dripping with sarcasm. “Did you know?”

 

Mick grunts an affirmation. “He makes heart eyes at _everyone._ Man, you should’a heard him talk after Camelot, about Sir, uh, Sir Galahad, that was it. I’d never seen him look that, uh, en— _enamored_.”

 

“Sir Galahad?” Leonard asks, trying not to sound jealous. Raymond never looks at _him_ like he’s enamored. But, why would he?

 

“Yeah, he was killed pretty soon after we met him. Haircut was pretty broken up about it, picked up his sword and everything, apparently.” Mick shrugs. “At least you’re back, ‘n he’s happy about that. He was a mess about your death, too. More, ‘cause he knew you better.”

 

“Really?” Leonard asks. He hasn’t really found out much about what happened while he was gone. Oh, the team filled him in on the missions, on breaking time—which was what brought him back from the dead—but he doesn’t really know what the team was like while he was gone.

 

He’s been back for only a few months—a few very hectic months—and he hasn’t had time to see where he fits in this time around, to figure out his place on the team with these new members and with everything being so different. Sara is the captain and Jax is the ship’s mechanic (and second-in-command to Sara, in practice if not in name). Nate and Amaya are the newbies and Leonard has more or less avoided the both of them. Rip seems a bit aimless, and he and Leonard generally don’t have much to do with each other. Stein is tetchy, as always.

 

Mick has finally settled in, after apparently a lot of crap being slung at him, and Leonard is impressed that his old friend didn’t just burn the ship down. That’s something different, too: Mick actually cares about the Legends, and it seems like they finally care about him, too.

 

And then there’s Raymond.

 

Leonard doesn’t know what to do with Raymond. Sometimes, the man treats Leonard like he used to—all snark and false bravado. But then, sometimes, Leonard will catch Raymond looking off into the distance, unfocused and…sad, almost. Lonely. The moment passes quickly enough, and Raymond turns back to the team with a grin perched on his lips, but Leonard knows what he saw. He just doesn’t know _why_.

 

Maybe this will be his chance to find out.

 

* * *

 

Leonard is lounging on his bed in a t-shirt and black sweatpants, waiting. Well, technically he’s reading a book, but he can’t focus on it for more than a few seconds at a time before his mind gets caught up in what—who—he’s waiting for. A knock sounds on his door and he sits up, placing his book down on the bed beside him.

 

“It’s open,” he calls out, and he’s _not_ nervous, not even a little bit. Why would he be nervous?

 

The door slides open, revealing Raymond, standing there awkwardly. “Hi,” Raymond says, taking a step inside. The door whooshes shut behind him. He looks around, taking in the sparsity of Leonard’s room, before his eyes catch back on Leonard. “What are you reading?” he asks.

 

Leonard holds the book up.

 

“ _Too Like the Lightning_?” Ray asks.

 

“Yeah, it’s—” Leonard starts, but cuts himself off. “It’s not important. We should talk about the mission.”

 

“Okay!” Raymond says, sounding _perky_ and Leonard has to take a deep breath. He will not be annoyed by Raymond; they have to focus on the mission.

 

Leonard pats the bed next to him. “Sit,” he says, trying not to sound commanding.

 

“Have you done this kind of thing before?” Raymond asks, following Leonard’s instructions and settling down on the bed, curling one leg up under him and turning to face Leonard.

 

Leonard shrugs, shifting so he’s cross-legged and turned towards Raymond. “Kind of. Nothing exactly like this, but I’ve gone undercover for heists before. Usually alone, or with Lisa, so there was less prep work. But I have the basics down. _We_ need to convince an entire retreat that we’ve been dating for more than a year, so we have a lot of work to do.”

 

Raymond nods. “Okay. What do you need from me?”

 

“First, we should, uh, air some secrets.” Leonard swallows but holds his arms out, the scars catching the light so Raymond finally notices them.

 

“May I?” Raymond asks, holding up his hands in an indication that he wants to touch Leonard’s arms.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard says. “Oh, we should get comfortable touching each other so this is, uh, a blanket agreement. Touch me whenever you think it makes sense. Use your instincts, but touch me as much as you’d like.” Raymond runs a hand across one of Leonard scars, and Leonard flinches. “And that’s why,” he says, huffing out a laugh to dispel his nerves. “I can’t twitch when you touch me in front of other people, so it’s best to get it out of the way now.”

 

“Sorry,” Raymond says, his eyes wide. “Are you okay?”

 

“Just not used to it. Keep going,” Leonard says.

 

Raymond, after peering intently at Leonard for a few seconds, nods and returns to examining Leonard’s arms.

 

“These look like defensive wounds,” Raymond mutters, his fingertips ghosting over the harsh, pale lines.

 

“They are,” Leonard says, and Raymond looks back up to meet his eyes. Leonard has been preparing to have this conversation all evening, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Especially not with the worried look he sees in Raymond’s eyes. He can tell that Raymond is slowly figuring it out, but he might as well help the other man out. “My father,” he admits.

 

“Oh, _Leonard_ —” Ray starts, but Leonard shakes his head.

 

“No, I don’t want your pity, Raymond. That’s not why I’m telling you this. I just need you to not be shocked when you see them in front of other people. I can’t wear my usual sweater and jacket; it’s summer, and people will give me weird looks. I can’t stand out, so I have to wear clothes that show my arms.”

 

“So he…” Raymond trails off, evidently not wanting to say the words.

 

“He beat me, yeah. With his fists, with broken bottles…he came after me with a knife a few times, when he was really drunk.” Leonard takes a deep breath, trying to block out the visuals forcing their way up to the forefront of his memory. Stay clinical, stay detached. Easier said than done, especially with Raymond looking at him like _that_.

 

Raymond seems to notice that Leonard is struggling and reaches out to touch Leonard’s shoulder, thumb rubbing at his collarbone. Leonard does have to admit that it’s comforting, grounding.

 

“Then he’d patch me up,” Leonard continues. “Didn’t want to pay for me to go to the emergency room—didn’t want to explain it, either. Butterfly band-aids, some gauze and tape, and he’d tell me to get out of his face. I started to do it myself, as I got older, but it took a while to get good at it. Nothing healed right, and I’m damn lucky I didn’t die of an infection.”

 

“Do they hurt?” Raymond asks, continuing to ghost over scars with the hand that’s not on Leonard’s shoulder.

 

“No,” Leonard responds. “Not anymore. Too many years ago. I just don’t like people to see them, because then they _ask questions_. It’s my business, and I really don’t need anyone’s pity.”

 

Raymond is still rubbing Leonard’s shoulder as he responds, “I know you don’t need it, but I feel for you. I’m sorry that you went through that.”

 

“At least I got to kill the son-of-a-bitch,” Leonard mutters, expecting a shocked response from the other man.

 

Instead, Raymond nods. “I heard about that. You went to jail for it; Barry caught you.”

 

“Barry watched me do it,” Leonard says. He’s surprised; he’d thought Raymond would be upset, would say something negative, would say that it wasn’t okay, or something equally judge-y.

 

“Do you feel better, now?” Raymond asks, his expression curious. “Now that he’s dead?” There’s no judgment, no expectation. Just a simple, open question.

 

That’s probably why Leonard answers, “Yes.”

 

“Good,” Raymond says. “Can I hug you?”

 

Leonard swallows, but nods. “I meant it, Raymond. You have permission to touch me.”

 

“Just wanted to make sure,” Raymond says, and then he’s leaning in, wrapping his arms around Leonard’s shoulders. He nestles in, and once Leonard gets over the initial weirdness of being hugged at a somewhat strange angle, he settles down and lets himself enjoy it.

 

Raymond smells good—the sharp tang of metal contrasting with the soft scent of flowery shampoo—and he’s warm, gentle, solid. _Solid_. Leonard has spent a good amount of time admiring Raymond’s muscles from afar, and now that they’re pressed up against him, he’s speechless.

 

All too soon, Raymond pulls back, a sad half-smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he says.

 

It’s so earnest that Leonard isn’t sure how to respond. Raymond is always earnest, always sincere, but Leonard hasn’t really had it directed at _him_ in this way before. At least he figures that’s probably enough sharing of his own past, for now.

 

“How about you?” Leonard asks. “Tell me about your childhood.”

 

Raymond shrugs. “Nothing much to tell. It wasn’t very exciting.”

 

“ _Raymond_ ,” Leonard says, sensing that there’s something the other man isn’t saying—and doesn’t want to say. “I opened up. I don’t _do_ that, so you could at least do me the courtesy of opening up in return. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you don’t talk about your past. I know next to nothing about where you came from, and that _bugs_ me.”

 

“Like I said,” Raymond responds, stubbornly, “there’s not much to tell. At least, nothing interesting.”

 

“You don’t have to have physical scars to have had a rough childhood,” Leonard says, his voice soft.

 

“What makes you think I had a rough childhood?” Raymond asks. His mouth screws up in what Leonard would call a snarl on any other person, but it looks more rueful than anything else on the Boy Scout. 

 

Leonard is silent for a minute, his eyes focused intently on the other man. “I know your family is alive. Why didn’t you visit them, or even contact them, when Rip dropped you and the team off in Central City, back in 2016? Mick tells me you stayed with Cisco before going to find him. You could’ve gone back to Star City with Sara. I even talked to Cisco, when I was helping Barry—he says you didn’t call, didn’t write, didn’t make any effort to contact your family. What happened?”

 

“You talked to Cisco about me?” Raymond asks, sounding slightly offended. “That’s none of your business.”

 

“Raymond, I’m not—I’m not trying to force you to tell me, but I’d like to know, if you’d like to tell me. Just because it might not be as bad as my childhood doesn’t mean it wasn’t _bad_ , doesn’t mean that it didn’t affect you in any way. You put on that smile and everyone thinks you’re fine, but I don’t. I don’t think you’re okay, I don’t think you have any regard for your own life, Raymond, and I worry about you.” The words tumble out, and Leonard blames it on the hug.

 

Well, he’d meant to be honest, because that’s the only way this is going to work. He just hadn’t meant to be _this honest_.

 

Raymond looks down at his hands, his fingers tangling together, moving with no rhythm that Leonard can see. After a few seconds, Leonard reaches out, resting his hand over Raymond’s to still the motion.

 

“You can tell me,” Leonard says. “Please, tell me.”

 

“I, uh.” Raymond takes a deep breath, still looking down at Leonard’s hand over his own. “It’s really not a big deal, I just don’t see the need to talk about it.”

 

“ _Raymond_ —”

 

“But I will.” Raymond looks up. “For you—for, uh, this. For the mission.”

 

Leonard nods, brushing his thumb across the back of Raymond’s hand. The motion was comforting when Raymond did it, so Leonard thinks he’ll return the favor. “I’m listening.”

 

Raymond begins haltingly, “I didn’t really have a lot of friends growing up—being so many years ahead of my classmates in terms of intelligence was pretty isolating, no matter how many grades I skipped. I was always too smart and too young. And then my family—they just didn’t really know what to do with me, so they left me alone. They knew what to do with me even less when I got out of undergrad and started getting masters in things that they thought were _frivolous_.”

 

“What you do isn’t frivolous, Raymond,” Leonard tells him.

 

Raymond just shrugs. “They said if I couldn’t pick a career path that would be logical and traditional, then I could stop relying on them for anything. So I found a job that would let me finish my schooling, and I just lost contact with my parents. See, not very interesting.”

 

“I think it’s interesting,” Leonard says. “It explains a lot.”

 

“It does?” Raymond asks.

 

Leonard nods. He decides not to go into what it explains, because that would let Raymond know that Leonard pays slightly too much attention to him when he thinks nobody’s looking. It would let him know that Leonard pays too much attention to the loneliness, to the constant need for affection, and to the inability to ask for any of it. Instead, Leonard asks, “And your brother?”

 

“Sydney’s a dick,” Raymond says. “He really didn’t like it when I came home from my first year of grad school with a boyfriend. He, uh, called me some names, and I’ve barely spoken to him since.”

 

Leonard winces. “I’m sorry. I know how that is.”

 

“Your father…?”

 

Leonard hadn’t meant to bring the conversation back around to him, but he can tell that Raymond needs some breathing room, so he lets it go. “Yeah, he was a homophobic bastard.”

 

Raymond flips his hand over to grasp onto Leonard’s. “I’m sorry, too, Leonard.”

 

That sparks something, and Leonard nods, changing the subject. “We should also use nicknames.”

 

“Okay,” Raymond says, shaking off his sadness like water. “I mean, you can call me ‘Ray’ anyway, I don’t know why you don’t…”

 

Leonard shrugs. “I like calling you ‘Raymond.’”

 

“I noticed,” Raymond replies, trying to sound annoyed, but his small grin negates any of that. “What do you want me to call you? Mick calls you ‘Len’ sometimes, is that what you want?”

 

“Hmm.” Leonard considers it. ‘Len’ has been his nickname for most of his adult life. But, it’s harsh, short, clipped. It doesn’t feel like the character he’s trying to portray: someone softer, someone capable of dating this puppy named Ray Palmer for over a year. “How about ‘Leo?’” he posits.

 

“It’s up to you!” Raymond—Ray says. “I’ll call you whatever you want me to.”

 

Leonard smirks. “Don’t give me that power, Boy Scout.”

 

Ray laughs. “’Leo’ it is, then.”

 

Now, for the part that Leonard has been both dreading and anticipating. “So, since we’re playing a couple, we should get comfortable ki—”

 

He’s interrupted by a knock on the door, and then the door whooshes open—without waiting for a response—to reveal Sara. Leonard is _really glad_ that she didn’t come in a minute later.

 

“Can I help you?” he asks, suddenly conscious that he and Raymond are holding hands. He doesn’t pull his hand back—this is all part of the mission prep, and Leonard needs to get used to touching Ray in front of other people.

 

Sara looks vaguely disappointed she didn’t catch them doing anything _scandalous_. But she does look pointedly at their clasped hands, raising an eyebrow at Leonard.

 

Leonard glares back, daring her to say something about it.

 

She doesn’t. “I have IDs for you, and your reservation for the couples retreat,” she says, walking over and handing them paperwork. Leonard disentangles his hand from Ray’s, reaching for the packet.

 

He pulls out his ID, examining it. The name catches his eye, and he glares at Sara again. “Leonard _Palmer_?”

 

“Raymond _Snart_?” Ray chimes in. “You just flipped our names?”

 

Sara smirks. “You won’t forget them.”

 

“ _I_ am a professional, I wouldn’t have forgotten it, no matter what it was,” Leonard insists.

 

Sara points at Ray. “ _He’s_ not.”

 

Ray shrugs. “I probably wouldn’t have forgotten it, but this _is_ easy to remember. It will flow easier. I think it makes sense, Sara.”

 

“Fine,” Leonard relents. “Whatever. Guess I’m Leo Palmer for the next week.”

 

“And I’m Ray Snart,” Ray says, grinning at Leonard.

 

Leonard rolls his eyes. “Great. Anything else, _Captain_?”

 

“Yes,” Sara responds. “Some mission parameters. The guy we’re looking at is one of the program coordinators. Something about him seems to ping our sensors, so you’ll need to figure out how to get close to him— _without_ flirting with him, Leonard.”

 

Leonard sighs. “But that’s the easiest way.”

 

“Yeah, but remember that you’re there with Ray,” Sara says. “Plus, the man is married, and he and his husband don’t seem polyamorous, so even if you and Ray were to play a poly couple, it seems unlikely that he would fall for it.”

 

“ _Fine_ ,” Leonard concedes again. “Anything else you needed?”

 

“Nope!” Sara says, sauntering over to the doorway. “I’ll leave you two to uh, well, whatever it is you were about to do before I got here.” Sara waves her hand vaguely at them and walks out, letting the door shut behind her.

 

Leonard and Ray look at each other for a minute. “So,” Ray pipes up, “what _were_ you going to say, before Sara came in?”

 

“Right.” Somehow, Sara’s interruption made this whole thing feel very strange. It had been fine, when it was just him and Raymond. But Sara being there felt like they’d moved from late at night to the middle of the day—they lost that quiet, intimate feeling that had been building between them.

 

It just feels kind of awkward now, but Leonard is determined to push through and get this done right.

 

“Kissing,” Leonard forces out. “We should practice, uh, kissing.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Ray swallows, but looks at Leonard with determination. “Okay. Uh, so are you gonna kiss me or, do you want me to…” He trails off, unsure.

 

Leonard clears his throat and scoots closer, lifting his hand up to cup Ray’s face. Ray looks back at him with wide eyes, and Leonard feels worry settle across his shoulders. “We don’t have to do this,” Leonard says. “You can back out, I can find someone else. Mick, or Nate, or even Rip.”

 

“No,” Ray says, shaking his head. “Sorry, I don’t mean to freak out. It just—I have to make sure I can separate fiction from reality, that my brain won’t just get in too deep on this.”

 

“Understood. Do you need some more time?” Leonard asks, brushing his thumb lightly across Ray’s cheekbone.

 

Ray shakes his head again. “Kiss me, Leo,” he commands, and Leonard is impressed at how steady his voice is.

 

So, Leonard does. He leans in slowly, presses his lips lightly against Ray’s. It’s soft and chaste and over far too quickly for Leonard’s liking, but he wants to ease in slowly on this.

 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asks, forcing his voice to be gentle, pulling back to gauge Raymond’s expression. His hand falls down to rest lightly on the back of Ray’s neck.

 

Ray swallows, his eyes still closed. They flutter open slowly, and Leonard’s heart drops. Ray doesn’t look any less panicked.

 

“So, not good?” he ventures.

 

“No, it’s not that it wasn’t good, I just—”

 

“Hey, hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” Leonard says, dropping his drawl entirely. “I just want to make sure you’re okay with this. If you need to check in with me, you can. I’ll remind you that it’s just a con—that we’re undercover, that it’s not real.” Saying the words feels weird, and Leonard isn’t sure why. Sure, he might have a bit of a crush on the Boy Scout, but this _isn’t real_ , he knows that.

 

“Yeah?” Ray asks, his eyes wide and his expression unreadable.

 

Leonard nods. “We can call it quits for tonight if you want.”

 

“No,” Ray insists. “This is important, and I—I trust you, Leo. I trust you to be careful, and to, to help me keep my distance.”

 

The words sting slightly, but Leonard brushes it off. Ray doesn’t want to get in too deep on this, doesn’t want to get hurt, and Leonard doesn’t want to hurt him. If this were real, someone would only get hurt. Leonard doesn’t want to get hurt either.

 

“If you’re sure,” Leonard says. When Ray nods, he leans in slowly again, pressing their lips together.

 

This time he doesn’t pull away: he lets the kiss deepen slightly. Raymond’s lips move against his, and they both shift closer together. Leonard feels Raymond’s hands grasping at his shoulders, pulling him in even closer. He complies, his own hands tangling in Raymond’s hair as the kiss deepens more, Raymond’s mouth opening at the press of his tongue.

 

And, fuck, if this isn’t everything Leonard ever hoped it could be. Raymond kisses like a dream, tastes like honey, feels like sunshine under Leonard’s hands. This is gonna be a long week, he thinks, as Raymond’s hands move to his hips, pulling him half into his lap.

 

“Woah,” Leonard says, shoving back. That is definitely not maintaining distance, either physically or emotionally. “Maybe we should, uh, chill,” he continues, pushing lightly at Ray’s chest.

 

Ray looks at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, worried. “I didn’t mean to—I just—”

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Leonard says, shifting ever so slightly away. “It’s not a bad thing—at least our chemistry is gonna be believable,” he jokes, trying to alleviate Ray’s worries. “Re _lax_ , Raymond,” he drawls, to keep his distance. He tries to steady his breath, so Ray can’t tell that all he wants to do is start the kiss back up again, to straddle the other man and lower him down onto the bed and—

 

Leonard clears his throat, pulling his mind out of that train of thought. “How did that feel?” he asks.

 

“It was fine,” Ray says, shifting. “It felt, uh…natural?”

 

“Good,” Leonard says. “Maybe we should call it quits for tonight, pick back up tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah,” Ray agrees. “That—that sounds good. I promise I’ll freak out less next time!” He looks earnestly at Leonard, and, fuck, Leonard just wants to kiss him again.

 

But, that’s the whole point of this—to get comfortable being intimate with each other. Leonard leans in slowly, so Ray can pull away if he wants, and kisses Ray lightly. Raymond doesn’t move back; instead, he leans in, kisses back. It’s chaste and short, like their first kiss, and Leonard doesn’t let it deepen because that’s not the point.

 

“It’s okay,” Leonard says, their faces still close together, trying to sound reassuring. He’s not used to _reassuring_ , so he’s not sure if he succeeds. “Freak out as much as you need to, as long as you get it out before we start the mission.” He pulls back fully, analyzing Ray’s reaction.

 

Ray looks determined, and Leonard does appreciate his stubborn streak.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Ray says. “I can do that.” He meets Leonard’s eyes and smiles. “I can do this.”

 

Leonard chuckles. “I know you can, Boy Scout.”

 

Ray tilts his head, considering. “Should we have pet names?” he asks, after a few seconds. “I’m not sure ‘Boy Scout’ will work, _especially_ since you know I’m an Eagle Scout.”

 

“You’re right,” Leonard admits. He hadn’t thought about that—maybe Raymond having been in actual relationships will come in handy for this. “Any ideas?”

 

Ray shrugs. “I was thinking sweetheart.”

 

“For you? Or me? I’m not much of a sweetheart, Raymond.”

 

“I think it fits you,” Ray replies. “I’d like to call you it, if that’s okay.”

 

Leonard looks at him, bewildered. _Sweetheart_? Really? Is Ray _high_? “I—I guess? If you think it fits.”

 

“I do.” Ray sounds set on this, so Leonard lets it slide. “Do you have any ideas of what you want to call me?”

 

Leonard has many, none of them very nice. He flicks through his current names: ‘Boy Scout,’ ‘idiot,’ ‘pretty boy,’ he’s pretty sure he called Ray ‘lover boy’ at one point…none of them fit the situation. “No clue. Any suggestions?”

 

Ray smiles, a laugh bubbling up. “Yeah, I’ve got a few. ‘Sweetie,’ ‘darling,’ ‘honey,’ uh—”

 

“Wait,” Leonard cuts him off. “’Darling.’ I like that. That suits you.” Shit, what is he even saying? _Darling_? That’s not _him_. But he likes the way it sounds on his tongue.

 

Ray nods approvingly. “Yeah, that’s good. That works.”

 

Leonard doesn’t understand the other man sometimes. Ray just went from trying to stay aloof to deciding pet names, and Leonard might have whiplash. Ray Palmer is a constant contradiction, and Leonard likes it a little bit too much.

 

“Are you sure?” Leonard asks.

 

“Yeah,” Ray replies, looking confused. “Of course I’m sure. It fits the relationship we need to have—uh, pretend to have.”

 

“Okay,” Leonard says. If he’s sure, Leonard isn’t gonna argue. Plus, drawling ‘darling’ is almost as satisfying as drawling ‘Raymond.’ “You wanna call it a night?”

 

“Probably a good idea,” Ray says, getting up. Leonard gets up, too, automatically, to walk Ray over to the door. “So, goodnight, I guess,” Ray says, turning back as he reaches the door. He leans in, pressing a light kiss to Leonard’s cheek, before opening the door and walking out.

 

“Goodnight,” Leonard says, to Ray’s retreating back. He stands still in the doorway for a minute, his mind whirling. He’s trying to be honest with himself about this, and his honesty is telling him that he wants to stalk down the hallway, drag Raymond back, and kiss him senseless. That he wants to make this _real_. God, Leonard wants this to be _real_ , and he’s not sure what to do with that.

 

So he waits until he hears Ray’s door slide shut before he heads to Mick’s room. He doesn’t bother knocking, just opens the door and walks in, making sure to shut the door behind him.

 

Mick looks up from his heat gun, spread in pieces across the table. “So, how’d it go?” he asks, looking back down to continue cleaning the gun.

 

Leonard leans against the wall and groans.

 

“That good, huh?”

 

“Mick,” Leonard whines, “I wanna die.” He’s known Mick for long enough that he can complain about this and he knows that Mick won’t judge him—or, he will, but he’ll also probably give decent advice about what Leonard should do about catching these inconvenient feelings.

 

Mick rolls his eyes. “Go on,” he says. “Get it out.”

 

“He’s such a good kisser,” Leonard says, still whining, “I want that mouth _everywhere_ on me,” he continues, images flashing through his mind. “I want my mouth everywhere on _him_ , I want him on his knees—”

 

“Okay, that’s enough, shut up.”

 

“Sorry,” Leonard says. “I just—ugh. Now I’m wishing it was someone else who volunteered so I wouldn’t have to deal with these…”

 

“Feelings?” Mick finishes. Leonard nods. “Ah, you’re not mad about it. You’re just mad because you think he doesn’t want you as bad as you want him.”

 

“He doesn’t,” Leonard says. “He said he wanted me to keep reminding him that this isn’t real, so he doesn’t get in too deep.”

 

Mick snorts. “You’re an idiot.”

 

“Yes, _thank you_ ,” Leonard replies in a sarcastic drawl. “I’m aware.”

 

“You think he said that because he doesn’t want you?” Mick asks. “Sounds to me like he’s sayin’ that ‘cause he thinks you don’t wanna be with _him_.”

 

“I wish I believed that,” Leonard says.

 

Mick shrugs. “Believe what you want, I just think you two are morons who are already in too deep for each other. But, hey, why listen to me? I’ve just had to listen to you two bitch at me about each other—you since you and I got on this goddamn ship, Haircut since you up and _died_ on us.”

 

Leonard makes another sound of disgust. “Sure, Mick, whatever you say. _Raymond_ cares about every single person on the team, I don’t think I’m special for that.”

 

Mick rolls his eyes again. “I’m done trying to get this through your thick skull, Snart. Believe me or don’t, I don’t care anymore.”

 

“Whatever,” Leonard says. “You’re no help, I’m gonna go to sleep.”

 

“Sweet dreams,” Mick calls after him with a cackle as he stalks out and back to his room.

 

Leonard’s mind doesn’t stop spinning when he finally falls into bed. He tries to block out the feeling of Ray kissing him, of Raymond’s hands on him—running up and down his back, fingertips pressed into his hips—of the way Raymond tastes and smells…it’s no use.

 

It’s not as if Leonard hasn’t jerked off to the thought of Raymond before, but now he feels weird even considering it. And by considering it, he means that he’s already half-hard, already wrapping his hand around himself. He feels weird about it, but not enough to stop.

 

Plus, this is the next to last night for a week that he’ll be sleeping alone—better to get any lingering orgasms out now than lie awake horny next to Ray and wishing he’d jacked off when he’d still been alone.

 

At least he tries to keep his brain focused on the theoretical, on things he’s thought of before when touching himself, and not on the actual feeling of Raymond under his fingertips. His mind brings up images of Raymond naked, writhing underneath him, and if it adds in new pieces of information—like the way Raymond smells and tastes—well, that just adds to the scene behind his eyelids.

 

It works for the most part, but as he gets closer and closer to orgasm, the scene changes—it becomes Raymond, his eyes softly shut, sitting up and facing Leonard. It becomes Raymond’s hands grasping lightly at his shoulders, Raymond’s mouth opening and his tongue slipping tentatively against Leonard’s. It becomes Raymond smiling at him and calling him ‘sweetheart’—and Leonard comes, swearing.

 

That was decidedly _not_ the plan. Leonard lies there for a minute, panting, waiting for his brain to catch back up. When it does, he feels even weirder about the whole thing, and more than a little embarrassed. To come, not from the idea of fucking Ray, but from Ray calling him a stupid pet name—gross. That’s gross.

 

That’s gross and sappy and this whole thing is a bad idea, but it’s too late to back out now. Leonard is in this, for better or for worse, and he’ll see it through to the end.

 

But, goddamn, what the hell is he gonna do about _this_?

 

* * *

 

Leonard wakes up in a fog. He didn’t sleep well—he tossed and turned, his dreams full of big brown eyes, large warm hands, soft skin against his scars.

 

“This is gonna be a long week,” he repeats, out loud this time, at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. It seems as if his low-level crush on Ray has blossomed into a full-blown obsession, with the way he’s aching to see the other man, the way he’s craving another kiss.

 

Leonard’s not sure he’s ever felt like this before, but he’s also never known anyone like Raymond before. If Raymond’s good looks weren’t enough, the man is brilliant, kind, and tough, and he trusts Leonard with everything he has.

 

It’s dizzying, overwhelming—Ray Palmer is a contradiction wrapped in hard muscle and soft smiles, and Leonard gets to spend a week kissing him. A week touching him as much as he wants.

 

Leonard wanders off to breakfast, lost in thought. The room is half-empty when he walks in, filled with the sleepy faces of Sara, Jax, Rip, Stein, and Ray. He snags an iced coffee and some eggs from Gideon’s fabricator and heads over to the table, to the empty seat next to Ray.

 

“Morning,” he mumbles, still not fully awake, his head still not fully clear of fog.

 

His teammates respond with their own greetings and then, as he settles down into his seat, Ray leans forward, kissing his cheek.

 

Everyone stares at them.

 

“We’re getting used to being affectionate in public,” Ray explains, while Leonard tries to remember what words are. Ray’s lips are just as soft as he’d remembered from the night before, and he just wants to grab Raymond and drag him in for a steamy good morning kiss.

 

Instead he clears his throat and gently head-butts Ray’s shoulder, resting against it for a second. Ray’s hand comes up, scratching lightly at the back of Leonard’s scalp.

 

“ _Well_ ,” Sara says, “this is all _disgustingly domestic_.”

 

“Agreed, Captain,” Stein replies. “This is quite a lot for this time of morning.”

 

Leonard lifts his head up and glares. “I would like to remind you all that this was _not_ my idea. If you want this done right, you’ll shut up and let us get used to doing this.”

 

“For what it’s worth,” Jax says, through a bite of his pancakes, “I think it’s cute.”

 

“ _Thank_ _you_ , kid,” Leonard responds. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Ray beam. His instinct is to focus more intently on his eggs, but that’s not the character he needs to play—the character that’s in love with Ray. So he turns his head, his eyes falling to Ray’s lips, to that glowing grin.

 

“ _Anyway_ ,” Sara says, “do you two have any ideas on the actual mission? Besides all this lovey-dovey shit?”

 

Leonard shakes his head, tearing his eyes away from Ray to glance over at Sara. “I’ve got a few things in mind, but nothing concrete. Plans will firm up when I see what I’m dealing with.”

 

“I thought you had a plan for everything,” Sara says, smirking.

 

“This isn’t a heist,” Leonard explains. “This is more like casing the place, _preparing_ for a heist. I need more information before I know what my plan will be. You said this is a fact-finding mission, and that’s what I intend to do. It will be more instinct than planning.”

 

“What should _I_ be focusing on?” Ray asks, stealing a sip of Leonard’s iced coffee.

 

Leonard is about to comment on Ray pilfering his drink, but he refrains. That’s _good_ , he reminds himself, that Ray is comfortable enough to do that. Instead he says, “Pay attention. Catalog anything that seems out of the ordinary, even if you think I noticed it, and tell me about it. Even if it might be unimportant or you think it’s too small, tell me. I’m damn good at this, but there’s still the possibility that I could miss something. Sound like something you can do?”

 

Ray nods. “Yeah, I can do that.”

 

“Good.”

 

The rest of breakfast finishes out in relative quiet, broken only by Sara looking over and snickering occasionally at Ray resting his head on Leonard’s shoulder, or Leonard snagging a bite of Ray’s breakfast, or at Ray draping an arm around Leonard’s shoulders after he finishes eating. The rest of the team also filters in slowly, and Leonard and Ray explain why they’re touching each other to every single teammate that comes in, sits down, and looks confusedly at them.

 

Leonard leaves breakfast hand-in-hand with Ray as they walk to the library to do some research with Nate on what could possibly be the aberration they’re looking for. Leonard tries not to think too hard about it—it’s just for the mission, and they’re not going to continue this after the week undercover.

 

But, well, that’s all the more reason to savor it now.

 

* * *

 

It’s been a long, boring day. They found nothing of interest in the library, nothing that caught their attention. Leonard is exhausted from spending the entire day trying not to climb on top of Ray and kiss the man senseless every time Ray pressed a soft kiss against his temple, or placed a large hand between his shoulder-blades, or snuggled up against his side.

 

He’s about to pull off his sweater, to start changing into his pajamas, when he hears a knock at his door. He walks over and unlocks it, opening it to Ray.

 

And, oh wow, is it a sight. Ray is wearing fitted gray sweatpants and a tight black tank-top, and Leonard might be drooling, just a little bit.

 

“Yeah?” he asks, because he can’t form any other coherent words at the moment. He’s too on edge from this entire day—god, he’s just not used to being _touched_ this much, especially not in such a soft and intimate manner. It’s enough to set anyone off.

 

“Uh, can I come in?” Ray asks. Leonard nods and steps aside, letting Ray walk in. “I think we should, uh, work on this a little more. Touching, _kissing_. I’m getting more comfortable with it, but I think I can get more comfortable before we head to the retreat tomorrow morning.”

 

“Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea,” Leonard muses, his eyes lingering on Ray’s arm muscles. Ray crosses his arms, which makes them stand out more, and wow—Leonard wants to put his mouth on them.

 

“My eyes are up here,” Ray says, a laugh clear behind his words.

 

“Huh?” Leonard asks, looking up and meeting Ray’s glittering eyes. “Oh, sorry. I, uh, you have very nice muscles.” Stupid, stupid, what a stupid thing to say.

 

But Ray’s smile grows, and Leonard relaxes a little bit. “You can touch them if you want,” Ray offers. “I don’t mind.” He uncrosses his arms and beckons Leonard closer.

 

Leonard takes a few steps forward, until he’s close enough to comfortably reach out and rest a hand gently against Ray’s bicep. Ray huffs a laugh, letting his hands rest on Leonard’s waist. Leonard’s fingers dance across the hard muscle of Ray’s arm, his other hand settled lightly on Ray’s chest.

 

“You like?” Ray asks, his voice warm and happy.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard admits. “How do you have time to be this _built_? And what else are you hiding under that tank-top?” _Goddamn it, Leonard_ , he thinks, _shut the fuck up_.

 

Again, though, Ray just smiles wide. He takes a hand off Leonard’s waist and grasps at the hem of his shirt, lifting it up to reveal a flat stomach and nicely defined pectoral muscles.

 

“May I?” Leonard asks, and Ray nods, keeping his shirt lifted up. Leonard reaches out, presses his fingertips against the hard muscle of Ray’s stomach.

 

Ray giggles slightly. “That tickles,” he explains to Leonard’s raised eyebrow.

 

“Gotcha,” Leonard says, deciding to press his hand flat against Ray’s stomach instead. Ray is firm and warm, and he hums happily as Leonard moves a hand up to prod at the muscles of his chest. His fingertips slip briefly under a bit of the tank-top that escapes Ray’s grasp before he pulls his hand back.

 

Ray lets his shirt fall back down into place, putting his hand back on Leonard’s hip. “Working out helps me fall asleep,” he says. “I do it at night—or early morning, whenever I actually get to sleep—and it helps me relax. I’ll probably work out in the gym, if they have one at the retreat.” He pauses, considering. “I hope they have a salmon ladder, I miss having one,” he muses.

 

“ _Fuck_ , I hope so too,” Leonard says, picturing that lovely scene in his mind.

 

“So,” Ray says, interrupting his train of thought, “what do you look like under all those layers?”

 

Shit. Leonard is definitely not prepared for this. “You saw enough of me last night,” he says.

 

“ _Leo_ ,” Ray insists. “There’s probably going to be swimming—I should know what your body looks like before that, so it feels more natural.”

 

Leonard lets his head fall onto Ray’s shoulder, his hands grasping at the back of Ray’s shoulders. “I’m pudgy,” he mutters. It’s not that he’s _unhappy_ with his body—it’s gotten him this far in life, and he’s thankful for the sturdiness of it. It’s just that, compared to Ray—well, he’d rather not compare his body to Ray’s.

 

“Good.”

 

Leonard looks up. “What?” he asks, unsure if he heard Ray correctly.

 

“ _Good_ ,” Ray repeats. “That means you’re my type, so it’ll help us be convincing.”

 

Leonard just stares at him for a minute. “Your type…”

 

“Yeah,” Ray says. “I like my partners softer. I like a bit of padding. So, come on, show me what you’ve got under there.”

 

Leonard swears under his breath. “Fine.” He steps back and pulls his sweater and t-shirt off in one fluid motion. “There,” he says, feeling awkward at just being in his skinny jeans and boots, shirtless. “Happy?”

 

Ray takes a step forward, his eyes moving up and down Leonard’s body. “I am,” he says. “You have a great body.”

 

Leonard looks down at his pudgy stomach, and then over at Ray’s firm muscled body. “If you say so.”

 

“I do,” Ray replies. “You’re gorgeous.” Ray steps forward again, closing the distance between them, and cups Leonard’s face in his hands. Then he leans in, pressing his lips to Leonard’s.

 

The kiss is light and sweet. Leonard can feel it bubbling up like champagne, threatening to spill out and overwhelm him with affection. _This is fake_ , he tells himself, wrapping his arms around Raymond. _This is fake_ , he tells himself, opening his mouth at the press of Raymond’s tongue. _This is fake_ , he tells himself, again and again and again, as he wishes it was real.

 

All Leonard wants to do is pull Raymond over to his bed, to tear all his clothes off, make him come, make him _scream_. Leonard can feel himself getting hard and he tamps down, repeating _don’t get turned on_ like a mantra in his head. He feels Raymond’s hands start to wander, fingertips pressing against his hips and then lightly on his stomach.

 

Leonard twitches and pulls back, unused to being touched like that.

 

“Sorry,” Ray says, abashed, “was that not okay?”

 

“No,” Leonard replies, “it just feels weird. I’ve never, uh, never had anyone touch me this tenderly before,” he admits. He turns to snag a sleep shirt and, as he puts it on, he catches a glimpse of Ray’s expression: eyes wide and watery. “I don’t need your pity on this either, _darling_. I’ve only been with fellow criminals in the past and there was nothing tender about any of them—tenderness is weakness.”

 

Ray tries to say something, but Leonard cuts him off.

 

“No, I know it’s not actually. I don’t think it is anymore, but I did for a long while.” Leonard shoots Ray a small smile, and is pleased to see Ray grin back.

 

“You deserve tenderness, Leo,” Ray says and leans forward. Before Leonard realizes what’s happening, Ray’s mouth is pressed against his neck. There’s nothing chaste or reserved about it, and Leonard wants to shout, wants to moan, wants to throw Raymond up against a wall.

 

Instead, he shoves the other man back. “Woah,” he says, his brain trying to figure out what the _everloving fuck_ just happened.

 

“I’m sorry!” Ray exclaims, stepping back and putting his hands in the air. It would be comical, if Leonard wasn’t currently freaking the fuck out. “I didn’t mean to—I won’t do it again!”

 

“Shit,” Leonard mutters, his heart slowly calming down. “No, Raymond, it’s fine I just—like I said, I’m not used to that. You can do it again, I’ll be ready for it next time. It was just unexpected.”

 

“’Ray,’” he says, gently. “Don’t forget to call me ‘Ray.’ And I’m still sorry.”

 

“Damn.” Leonard should be better at this, he _used_ to be better at this. He used to be able to embody a character and just run with it. It worked fine with that Russian chick, Valentina or whatever, so why can’t he just buck up and make it work with Raymond—Ray?

 

Of course, he knows the answer.

 

It’s because he didn’t have these pesky _feelings_ getting in the way, then. He didn’t want to go back to Valentina’s place, even with her invite. He just wanted to show off—for Ray. Shit. This has been a long time coming, Leonard’s massive crush, and he’s not sure how to deal with it now that he’s been given free rein to touch Ray. Free rein to _kiss_ Ray.

 

He looks up, seeing that Ray has dropped his hands, sticking them in his pockets, but is still looking at Leonard with worry written clear across his face.

 

“It’s okay, Ray,” he says, trying on reassuring for size. “Look, I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to freak out on you. I’m _really_ not used to this, but that’s why it’s good that we’re doing this. We need to figure each other’s ticks out, and fast. So, clearly, that’s something that I like a little _too_ much, so maybe avoiding doing that in public is, uh, a good idea.”

 

“Oh,” Ray says. “That was… _oh_.” Realization dawns on his face, and Leonard feels his own face flushing.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard admits, begrudgingly. “That _really was_.”

 

Ray clears his throat, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well I guess I have an answer in case anyone asks what turns you on?”

 

That shocks a laugh out of Leonard. “Shit, you sure do.”

 

Ray grins at him and just like that, the awkwardness dissipates. “Hey, it _is_ good to know!” he says, through a laugh.

 

“You’re right, you’re right,” Leonard admits, grinning in response. “So, _darling_ ,” he drawls, “what turns _you_ on?”

 

“Hmm,” Ray says, considering. “I, uh,” he flushes slightly, “I like it when I can tell someone is focusing their entire attention on me, like nothing else matters.” He looks down and away, rocking back on his heels slightly. “You do that sometimes,” he says, quietly. “It’s nice.”

 

“Oh.” Leonard is a little shocked. “I didn’t realize you noticed.” Does this mean…no, Ray is just saying that it’s nice, not anything else.

 

“I did. I do,” Ray says. His eyes flick back up to meet Leonard’s. “I notice when you watch me.”

 

“Well,” Leonard drawls, trying to push the conversation away from dangerous territory—feelings territory— “it is what I do after all. I _pay attention_.”

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s still nice.” Ray gives a small half smile. “I should probably go to sleep. Gotta be well rested to start the mission tomorrow.”

 

“Good idea,” Leonard says, glad they’ve switched topics. “See you tomorrow.”

 

“Bright and early,” Ray says, leaning forward to press a light kiss against Leonard’s lips. Leonard wants to lean in, wants to chase Raymond’s lips as they leave his.

 

Instead, he says, “Ugh, gross,” negating his words with a smile.

 

Ray pats his cheek. “Goodnight, Leo,” he says, and walks out.

 

“Goodnight, Ray,” Leonard says, too quiet for the other man to hear.

 

_Fuck_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Leo Palmer and Ray Snart, checking in,” Leonard says to the person at the front desk.
> 
>  
> 
> “Great,” they say, grinning up at him. “I’ve got your reservation right here—single bed, queen size.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Queen?” Ray asks.
> 
>  
> 
> “Yes, it says that was requested,” the concierge says.
> 
>  
> 
> “Must have been Sara,” Leonard mutters. Ray nods.

The drive up to the retreat is nearly silent, punctuated only by the voice of the GPS and Ray occasionally pointing out interesting things. Well, things that _he_ finds interesting. Leonard mostly ignores him and focuses on driving and sipping his iced coffee, trying to wake up enough to pretend to be social and half of a happy couple.

 

They’re certainly dressed the part—Leonard forewent his usual black jeans and sweater for light blue jeans and a simple graphic tee with a classic _Star Wars_ logo. Ray ditched his own jeans and v-neck sweater for a pair of pastel shorts and a polo shirt. It shouldn’t look as good on him as it does, and Leonard was vaguely annoyed at how hot he thought it was when he saw Ray in it for the first time earlier.

 

Luckily, it was too early for any of their other teammates, besides Sara and Rip, to be awake, so nobody commented on Leonard’s arms—or, the scars covering them, which was his main worry. Sara noticed—she doesn’t miss much—but she clearly knew enough to not say anything, and Leonard was grateful.

 

It’s a moderately short drive from the cloaked Waverider in their “borrowed” car (it was waiting for them this morning and Leonard specifically _didn’t_ ask Sara where it came from, although he’d be proud if she stole it). Leonard doesn’t even have time to finish his coffee before they pull up to the parking lot of the rustic resort. It’s lovely, he supposes, if you’re into that sort of thing. Leonard’s never been one for country retreats, but he supposes he now has to pretend to be for the duration of the weekend. He prefers fancy hotels in big cities.

 

As he gets out of the car, coffee in hand, to grab his bag from the backseat, he notices other couples pulling up and heading inside the resort. He’s glad to see that it’s not just white, cis couples—he sees a few other people of color, and a few gender-ambiguous people as well.

 

“Looks to be non-binary inclusive,” Leonard mutters. “Good.”

 

“Hmm?” Ray asks, picking up his bag and stifling a yawn. “Oh, yeah,” he agrees, looking around. “That _is_ good.” He smiles sleepily, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Leonard’s mouth. Leonard leans into it, smiling up at Ray as they shoulder their bags and walk inside together, Ray’s free hand resting lightly on Leonard’s lower back.

 

“Leo Palmer and Ray Snart, checking in,” Leonard says to the person at the front desk.

 

“Great,” they say, grinning up at him. “I’ve got your reservation right here—single bed, queen size.”

 

“Queen?” Ray asks.

 

“Yes, it says that was requested,” the concierge says.

 

“Must have been Sara,” Leonard mutters. Ray nods.

 

“Right, yes, of course. I forgot that we decided that,” Ray says, smiling sweetly.

 

“Nice and cozy for two large men such as yourselves,” the concierge jokes.

 

Leonard hums in agreement, trying to force a smile and make it look real. He feels himself failing, so he looks over at Ray, takes in the softness of Ray’s eyes and the tilt up of his lips. Only then does he feel his smile become real. Ray catches his eye and winks.

 

They collect their keys and head to their room to check in. “It’s the magenta room,” the concierge had told them, so they look for the room with the magenta door. They find it and go in, dropping their bags on the bed.

 

“Could be worse,” Leonard muses. “Could be a double.”

 

Ray laughs, opening his bag and activating the bug-sweeping device that he and Jax had whipped up the day before. “Hey, at least we’ll be cozy,” he says with a grin.

 

Leonard hums in agreement, digging his clothes out of his bag and placing them neatly in drawers. He turns to see Ray looking at him quizzically. They haven’t determined if there are bugs yet—the device is still making its rounds of the room—so he just shrugs incredulously, as if to say, “What, you don’t put your clothes in drawers when you travel?”

 

Ray makes a returning considering motion, and Leonard thinks he means, “I never really thought about it.” Leonard rolls his eyes. How Raymond has survived this long, he’ll never know.

 

Ray sits down at the edge of the bed and watches Leonard unpack, making no motion to do the same thing. Leonard is so glad when the device beeps green—no bugs.

 

“Are you gonna just live out of your duffel?” Leonard hisses, snatching up the device and pushing it at Ray.

 

“Yeah,” Ray says, his fingers curling around the device and brushing against Leonard’s. “Is that a problem?”

 

Leonard steps back and pinches the bridge of his nose in between his fingers. “Can you just, _please_ , throw your stuff in a drawer? I don’t care if you do it neatly, just get it out of my sight.”

 

“If it bothers you, sure!” Ray says brightly, and pulls open a drawer, upending the contents of his bag into it.

 

That hurts Leonard _almost_ as much as Ray living out of his bag. It _is_ slightly better, so Leonard lets it slide.

 

“Well, I’m unpacked,” Ray continues, and Leonard just barely stops himself from throttling the other man, “should we go have a look around the place?”

 

“Yeah, let me just—” Leonard pulls his earpiece out of his pocket and puts it in his ear. “Hello?”

 

“ _Leonard_ ,” Sara says, “nice of you to check in. How’s it going?”

 

“We’re clear, no bugs. We’ll keep you posted.”

 

“Uh-huh, very interesting, and how are things going with you and _Ray_? Any hot and heavy mak—”

 

Leonard clicks the earbud off and pulls it out of his ear. “Okay, Sara has nothing new to add, so yes, let’s go take a look around.”

 

Ray beams at him and holds out a hand. Leonard looks at it, and Ray waggles his fingers. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

 

“I feel like I should be making that motion,” Leonard mutters, taking Ray’s hand, “since I’m the one who regrew my hand.”

 

Ray, on his way to pulling Leonard to the door, stops. “Did you just make a _Doctor Who_ reference?”

 

Leonard grins, wide and sly. “Maybe.”

 

Ray’s mouth falls open. “You really are a _nerd_!” he exclaims.

 

“The _Star Wars_ shirt didn’t give it away?” Leonard asks.

 

Ray shakes his head. “Everyone likes _Star Wars_.”

 

“Well, then, I might be,” Leonard admits. Ray stares at him for another few seconds, before leaning in and kissing him. Leonard is surprised at the soft intensity of it—it’s not heated, more _focused_ , intent.

 

“Sorry,” Ray says when he pulls back. “That was just unexpected and I…I wanted to kiss you.”

 

Leonard swallows, feeling warm all over. “That’s okay. You really can kiss me whenever you want to, whenever you think it’s appropriate.”

 

“But we’re not in public,” Ray says, still looking somewhat sheepish.

 

“Still good to follow your instincts, _darling_ ,” Leonard says. “It will make it more natural out there.” Plus, Leonard plans to never stop Ray from kissing him, if Ray wants to. For the mission, of course.

 

No, that’s a fucking lie. Leonard wants Raymond even more than he ever did before, and that’s saying something. Last night just made things worse: joking with Ray about what turns them on—admitting that Ray did something that turned Leonard on…it’s all just too much. This week is going to be a goddamn disaster for Leonard’s emotional state, and for Leonard’s dick.

 

It would be easier if it was just physical attraction, if Leonard only wanted to fuck him. But, no, Leonard wants to curl up with him, watch movies with him, run fingers through his hair. Leonard wants to whisper sweet nothings in his ear, wants to make him laugh, wants to—

 

Shit, this is disgusting.

 

This is only a result of faking a relationship, it has to be. Leonard has never been this sappy before in his entire life. Trust Ray Palmer to bring this side of him out in full force. But that’s it, it’s mission-bleed. That’s _all_.

 

He looks over at Ray as they walk out of the front doors onto the grounds of the resort, and knows he’s full of shit. He’s just trying to convince himself that he’s not head over heels for this over-sized puppy, and that’s never gonna happen. He’s _fucked_. Although, sadly, not in the way he’d like.

 

Leonard just needs to get through this week, really, and then he can go back to pining in peace.

 

“You okay, Leo?” Ray asks.

 

“I’m good,” Leonard says, shooting the other man a quick half-smile.

 

“You seem distracted.”

 

Leonard shakes his head. “Sorry, I’m good.” He focuses his attention on the grounds, on their surroundings, disguising casing the place as strolling hand-in-hand through the small patch of trees bordering a lake. It is a lovely scene, even if Leonard can already feel himself getting eaten alive by bugs.

 

The grounds are luckily pretty small, so Leonard gets a good map in his head quickly. He likes to know all good escape routes, hiding places, and other various things that could trip him up if he and Ray need to get out fast.

 

“What are you looking for?” Ray asks, noticing that Leonard’s eyes are sweeping every corner of the place. Leonard wants to answer, but they didn’t sweep for bugs out here, just in their room, so there’s always the possibility that they’ll be overheard.

 

So, Leonard improvises. He presses a quick kiss to the corner of Ray’s mouth and then moves out, kissing along Ray’s jawline up and to his ear. Ray, trusting soul that he is, lets Leonard do it, without commenting. Leonard nips lightly at Ray’s earlobe and mutters, “Could be bugs. I’m casing the place.”

 

Ray hums. “Good,” he says, sounding satisfied with Leonard’s answer. He turns his head, catching Leonard’s mouth in a quick kiss. “I think that’s enough PDA for now,” he continues with a cheeky grin, “should we go back in? I think things are going to be starting up soon.”

 

Things are, indeed, starting up, and everyone seems to be heading for the main room of the lodge. Ray and Leonard follow, smiling and greeting other couples on their way in. They end up seated on a loveseat, pressed up close against each other. A middle-aged black man and his similarly aged gender- and racially-ambiguous partner take the seat next to them.

 

“Hi,” the first man says, “I’m Jasper. This is my partner Sam.”

 

“I’m Ray!” Ray says, reaching out over Leonard to shake their hands. “This is my boyfriend Leo.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Leonard says, smiling lightly and shaking both of their hands.

 

“You too,” Sam says, their voice soft and lyrical. “Where are you guys here from?”

 

“Central City,” Leonard answers. “You?”

 

“Boston,” Jasper answers. “You guys have come quite a long way! Maine isn’t exactly close by to where you guys are from.”

 

Ray shrugs. “We heard good things about the place, and we travel all the time for work anyway, so it wasn’t really hard to get here. It’s kinda close to where we need to go next, so it actually helps!”

 

“So you two work together?” Jasper asks.

 

Leonard nods, but doesn’t elaborate. That’s part of the story—they travel, but they won’t say why. Leonard enjoys an air of mystery, it keeps things fun.

 

“What do you two do?” Ray asks, draping his arm across Leonard’s shoulders so he can lean forward and better participate in the discussion, but also cuddle up close. Leonard glances over, smiling quickly and sweetly at his fake boyfriend. Ray winks back, before turning his attention back to the other couple.

 

“I’m an accountant,” Jasper answers, with a laugh. “I know, boring.”

 

“And I work in a bookstore,” Sam says.

 

“Oh, you do?” Leonard asks, with interest. “What kind of books do you like to read?”

 

Before Sam can answer, though, a man steps up in front of the crowd with a microphone. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” he asks over the speaker system.

 

Leonard doesn’t need Ray’s elbow in his ribs to know that this is the person they’re looking for. The man is tall, with dark skin and black hair, and a really lovely smile. The man introduces himself as Niraj and immediately launches into an explanation of the week ahead of them.

 

It’s interesting, the man doesn’t seem like a bad guy. Leonard gets a good feeling from the man, and he doesn’t think he’s up to anything bad. Not that Leonard is going to relax in thinking places might be bugged, but it definitely changes his thoughts on the mission.

 

The man might not be a villain, but an aberration in some way. He might not be causing the aberration, he might _be_ the aberration. Another thing that Leonard hopes against, the man seems to really love this, and he’s even getting Leonard somewhat excited about the activities ahead of them. That takes a lot of charisma, and Leonard is impressed.

 

The first activity is a mixer, and Leonard and Ray get up to mingle. They talk a little bit more with Sam and Jasper, before wandering off and getting to know other couples. The mixer takes up the entire afternoon, and then transitions directly into dinner.

 

As things wrap up, Leonard is exhausted. His head is buzzing with names and occupations and interests, and he doesn’t understand how Ray seems _energized_ by the whole thing. Leonard just wants to go to sleep. And he’s going to have to _socialize_ with all these people over the coming week. _Joy_.

 

Ray was the life of the party, and Leonard was more than happy to let him do the talking, to make friends. Leonard was glad to just trail along in the wake of his big smile and eager attitude. Ray really is a puppy, excited at the prospect of any and all new friends. It would be cute, if it wasn’t also kind of sad. Ray is starved for attention, and Leonard just wants to give it to him.

 

Leonard wants to fawn over Ray, to make him feel loved and needed and _worth it_. Too bad this isn’t real.

 

Back in their room, Ray goes into the bathroom first, snagging a bundle out of his drawer. Leonard rolls his eyes at the mess, but doesn’t say anything. He’s sure there are still no bugs, because the trip wire he set earlier was still in place, which means nobody was in the room since they left it, but he still stays quiet. No use in starting a fight for no reason.

 

No need to fight over this, anyway. It’s none of Leonard’s business how Raymond lives his life. While he waits for his turn in the bathroom, he digs his pajamas out of the drawer. They’re neatly folded and he knows exactly where they are when he reaches for them, and he rolls his eyes at the sloppiness of Ray’s unpacking.

 

That done, he slips his comm unit back into his ear and turns it on. “Anyone up?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, hey!” Nate’s voice sounds in his earpiece. _Joy_. “How’s it going?”

 

“Nothing much to report,” Leonard responds. “Any new information on your end?”

 

“All quiet here, we haven’t found out anything else,” Nate responds. “Uh, is Ray there?”

 

Leonard rolls his eyes. “He’s in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. He’ll be out in a sec and I can pass you over to him.”

 

“Cool, thanks.”

 

Nate falls silent, and Leonard feels no need to fill the empty air. He clicks the comm unit off and sighs. It’s not that he _dislikes_ the man, it’s just that Nate grates on his nerves. He could have said the same thing about Raymond, in the beginning but, unlike with Raymond, there’s a lack of attraction. Nate isn’t the worst, he’s just slightly too… _something_ for Leonard to handle. He doesn’t seem to like Leonard much, either.

 

Finally, the bathroom door opens, and Ray emerges, shirtless, in the pair of gray sweatpants that he’d been wearing the night before. “I usually sleep in just my boxers,” Ray explains, “but I figured you’d be more comfortable if I wore pants. Is it okay if I sleep shirtless though?”

 

Leonard can’t form words at the moment so he just nods. He picks up his bundle and hands the earpiece over to Ray. “Nate wants to talk to you,” he forces out, and walks into the bathroom. He’d already put his toiletries in the bathroom earlier, so everything else he needs is in there waiting for him. He changes, grinning at the sleep shirt he’d chosen. Ray is sure to get a kick out of it, too.

 

Then he brushes his teeth and takes out his contacts, dropping them into the case and putting on his clear-rimmed glasses. Nobody on the team, with the exception of Mick, has seen him in his glasses. At least he feels good in them, even if they’re too much of a liability to wear day-to-day. There’s always the chance that they’ll get knocked off or cracked, and his peripheral vision needs to be perfect anyway.

 

He cocks his head to the side, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He shouldn’t be worried about his appearance, but he still is. He looks good, at least, but he still worries about looking polished and put together in front of Ray.

 

Leonard makes a sound of disgust at his inconvenient emotions and walks out of the bathroom. Ray has clearly ended his conversation with Nate, and the earbud is sitting on one of the bedside tables. He looks up as Leonard exits, and he takes in the sight with wide eyes.

 

“Glasses?” he asks, his eyes focused on Leonard’s face.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard says. “I wear contacts, usually. _Surprise_.”

 

Ray opens and closes his mouth, before apparently deciding on words. “They look—you look good. In them. Handsome. Distinguished. It’s a good look.”

 

Leonard feels a warm feeling bubbling up, and he squashes it down. “Thanks,” he says, walking over to the bed, where Ray is sitting, leaned up against the headboard.

 

Then Ray’s eyes fall to his shirt, and he starts laughing. “ _Frozen_?” he asks, through his laughter. “You’re wearing a goddamn _Frozen_ shirt?”

 

“Yeah,” Leonard says, grinning. “It was a present from Lisa. Glad you appreciate it.”

 

“I _love it_ ,” Ray tells him, still laughing. “Oh my god, that’s amazing. _Captain Cold_ and _Elsa_ —” he dissolves into laughter, and Leonard can’t keep his smile from growing. He climbs into bed, leaning back against the headboard next to Ray, butting their shoulders together.

 

“You know how much I _love_ puns,” he drawls as Ray gasps for air.

 

“ _The cold never bothered me anyway_ ,” Ray forces out, before collapsing into laughter again.

 

Leonard grins, waiting it out. Ray curls up, throwing his body half on top of Leonard’s as he laughs. Leonard automatically wraps his arms around the other man, holding him close. Ray’s laugh is deep and resonant, and it seems to reverberate through Leonard’s body. He’s heard Ray laugh before, of course, but never like this—never so open and loose. It’s _beautiful_ and, fuck, Leonard is in way over his head on this.

 

Finally, Ray calms down and sits up, wiping at his eyes. “Wow,” he says. “It’s been a while since I laughed like that. You continue to surprise me, Leo.”

 

Leonard feels his heart soar and, without thinking about it, he leans in for a kiss. His hand cups Raymond’s cheek as the kiss deepens. Raymond shifts closer and huffs a soft noise, his hands bunching in the soft material of the shirt that had made him laugh so hard. He’s still slightly breathless, his heart beating slightly too fast, and Leonard feels his own heart speeding up to match.

 

Oh, this is a mistake, but Leonard doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, because Raymond clambers into his lap, straddling him and grabbing his face, rubbing thumbs against Leonard’s cheekbones, brushing against the edges of his glasses. Leonard’s own hands fall to Raymond’s hips, resting against the waistband of his sweatpants, fingertips brushing against soft, warm skin.

 

This is—this is mission bleed, though. Leonard wants to throw that thought away, wants to keep going, wants to grind his hips forward, to get Raymond hard and moaning against him. But he can’t, he can’t, he can’t do this to Raymond—Ray. Ray doesn’t want this, he wanted Leonard to help him keep his distance.

 

So Leonard reluctantly pushes Ray away. “Stop—stop,” he gasps out. “We can’t, we—this isn’t _real_ , Ray.”

 

Ray swallows hard, rocking back on his heels, his eyes wide and pupils blown out. “Shit,” he says, and falls over to the side, off of Leonard’s lap. He curls his legs under him and puts his head in his hands. “ _Shit_ ,” he repeats, voice muffled by the press of his palms.

 

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Leonard says, shifting forward to rub his hand up and down the hard planes of Ray’s back. “You wanted me to remind you, and I did.”

 

“You’re right,” Ray says, lifting his head. “ _I’m_ the one who should be sorry. I know this isn’t real, okay, I just—I guess I just got carried away in the moment.”

 

“No, I kissed _you_ ,” Leonard insists. “This is on me, Ray, _fuck_.” Leonard wraps his arms around Ray. Not that that’s helpful for his stupid crush, but it might help Ray relax. He’s only been physical with Ray for a few days and he already knows how much touching Ray calms the other man down. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?” he asks.

 

Ray rests his head against Leonard’s chest and nods. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m okay.”

 

“Good,” Leonard mutters, brushing a kiss into Ray’s hair. That’s probably a bad idea, but Ray relaxes even more at the motion. “We should go to sleep.”

 

“Yeah,” Ray agrees, pulling back to look at Leonard. “Is this a bad time to tell you that I’m a cuddler?” He tries a smile—it’s weak and watery, but it’s there, and Leonard is glad to see it.

 

He smiles back, gripping gently at Ray’s shoulder. “I’d be surprised if you weren’t. I _have_ met you, after all.”

 

Ray does laugh at that, a small, sweet noise and, oh god, Leonard is going to have this gorgeous, messy, sweet man in his arms tonight, he did _not_ think this through. They settle down into bed, with a bit of muttering to each other about positions, and a lot of rearranging limbs.

 

Finally, Leonard is curled up around Ray, amused that he is the big spoon to Ray’s little spoon when Ray is just so large.

 

“Goodnight,” Ray mutters, taking Leonard’s hand that’s draped over his waist and threading their fingers together.

 

“Goodnight,” Leonard repeats back, snuggling up against Ray’s back. He’s exhausted, and he expects to fall right asleep, but Raymond just smells so fucking good, just feels so warm and cozy pressed up against Leonard.

 

Leonard needs to get his shit together. He needs to be level-headed about this. He’s supposed to be a professional, and he can already feel the mission going off the rails. Not that that’s a big change for his missions with the Legends, but still. This should be easy: get in, get the facts, get out. Instead, he’s knee-deep in feelings and he can’t seem to wade his way out of them.

 

Sara planned this, he realizes. Maybe with Mick’s help. Well if they’re trying to force Leonard and Ray together, they’ve got it all wrong. If they think Ray has _feelings_ for Leonard—Leonard wishes he believed that. His mind, though, wanders back to two of their kisses: the one where Ray pulled Leonard onto his lap, and the one where Ray climbed into Leonard’s lap.

 

Does that mean anything? Should Leonard take that as a hint? He wants to, he really does. He just can’t understand what Ray Palmer, sunshine personified, human puppy, would see in _him_. Mick and Sara seem to believe that Ray could fall for Leonard—has _already_ fallen for Leonard—and maybe he has. Maybe that’s what this is.

 

But, god, Leonard Snart is a bundle of fury, insecurities, and pain, wrapped in a scarred, beat-up package. He wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy, let alone…let alone the man he wants to fall in love with. Let alone bright, warm, sugary-sweet Raymond. Leonard knows, he _knows_ that Ray isn’t perfect, isn’t happy, isn’t as perky as he pretends to be, but how could Leonard help?

 

How can he fix Ray’s problems when he can’t fix his own? How can he support Ray through whatever Ray needs, when he can’t even let himself feel emotions properly, when he can’t let anyone in properly? No, this shouldn’t happen, this _can’t_ happen, no matter how much Leonard wants it.

 

Ray Palmer can do better than Leonard Snart.

 

That plays on a loop in his head— _Ray can do better than you_ —until he slips off into sleep, snuggled up and warm, wishing this was real.

 

* * *

 

Leonard wakes up hard. Of course he does, he’s wrapped around Ray Palmer, how could anyone _not_? Still, it’s not exactly polite, so he’s glad that Ray is still sound asleep as he pries himself away from the other man and heads into the bathroom to shower. As the hot water runs over his body, he leans his head against the wall, annoyed at himself.

 

He’s mostly annoyed that he’s giving in—that he doesn’t have the willpower to _not_ jerk off to the idea of Ray—but there’s guilt, too. Guilt that he’s getting off to the man in the next room. It feels like an invasion of privacy, that he can map out the lines of Ray’s body in his mind, that he spent the night with his hips pressed up against Ray’s ass, that he’s imagining all of that and more…

 

He comes quickly, but he still takes a lot longer in the shower than he’d meant to, and definitely a lot longer than he usually does. And, of course, he forgot to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom with him. _Great_. At least there’s a robe, which he grabs and wraps securely around himself before heading back out into the bedroom.

 

Ray is sitting up, fiddling with his phone. “Hey,” he says, looking up as Leonard enters the room. “Good morning.”

 

Leonard grunts in response, not awake enough yet to use his words, and still feeling too guilty to meet Ray’s eyes.

 

“You’re cheery in the mornings,” Ray chirps, and Leonard rolls his eyes. “And I’m surprised—I didn’t think you had enough hair to need to take showers that long.” He sounds like he’s kidding, but Leonard still feels heat rising to his face.

 

“Sorry,” he mutters. “Didn’t know you were waiting. How long have you been awake?”

 

“Since you turned the shower on,” Ray responds.

 

Fuck.

 

“It’s fine, though,” Ray continues, “I’m in no rush. It’s still early.”

 

“Bathroom’s yours,” Leonard offers, still not meeting Ray’s eyes.

 

“Thanks!” Ray jumps up and heads into the bathroom as Leonard rifles through his drawer, picking out clothes for the day. It’s another jeans and graphic tee day, this time a gray shirt with Captain America’s shield. There’s swimming in the afternoon, so he sets aside his swim trunks for later.

 

Then he sits down on the bed and puts his face in his hands as he hears the shower start up again. He takes a few minutes to call himself a few different variations on _lovesick idiot_ before kicking himself into gear and getting dressed.

 

If this is what being in love feels like, Leonard would like to take it back. He doesn’t want it—doesn’t want these feelings, this ache in his chest, the _yearning_ —ugh. He sounds like a cheap romance novel. He’d always thought people were stupid, to go to such lengths for love. Now, though, he thinks he might understand.

 

He would do anything Ray asked of him. Leonard has never been able to resist those puppy eyes. It’s gotten him into trouble in the past, especially in Russia. He wonders what would have happened if he hadn’t given in—if he didn’t go after Valentina like Raymond had asked. Would Raymond still have gotten captured? Would he still have been beaten half to death—twice?

 

But how could anyone say no to _that_? It’s just not possible. It’s a good thing that Ray doesn’t know his own power; not that he’d use it on purpose. He’s too much of a goody-two-shoes for that.

 

Leonard grabs his book from the bedside table and curls up, trying to sink back into his book. But it’s no use—the high-brow science fiction just keeps slipping past his eyes. He usually prefers genre fiction that makes him think differently about the world around him, but this is just too heady for him today. His mind is too tangled up in knots, and he just wants something light and simple.

 

Maybe Ray brought a book that Leonard could pilfer. Leonard opens Ray’s drawer cautiously, and rifles through the clothes. There, a slim hardcover. Leonard pulls it out. _Every Heart a Doorway_ —Leonard’s been meaning to read this. Huh.

 

It shouldn’t surprise him that he and Ray have the same taste in books, but it still catches him by surprise. Speaking of surprises…as Leonard lifts the book out, his hand snags on something. He pushes a shirt aside to find a strip of condoms.

 

Oh.

 

That’s interesting.

 

That’s very interesting.

 

He hears the shower shut off and he shoves the clothes back over the condoms and throws himself back down on the bed, his heart pounding.

 

On the one hand, it’s great that the Boy Scout really is prepared for everything. On the other hand—what does he think is going to happen? Is it just a general precaution, that Ray brings condoms everywhere, just in case? Or…

 

Or nothing. Leonard has already told himself emphatically that even if Ray has feelings for him, nothing should happen between them. Ray will just end up hurt, or Leonard will, or both of them. It’s not a good idea.

 

All of that flies out of his mind as Ray comes out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel around his waist. It’s not like Leonard hasn’t seen Ray shirtless, even just a few minutes ago, it’s just that…it’s just a towel. Leonard could easily walk up and pull it off and touch Ray— _wow, Leonard_ , he thinks, _you useless queer_.

 

“How was your shower?” he asks instead, resting the book on his lap.

 

“It was good!” Ray responds. “Is that my book?”

 

Leonard nods. “I hope that’s okay. I fished it out of your drawer because I couldn’t focus on mine.”

 

“Yeah,” Ray says. “You could’ve asked me, though, instead of going through my things.”

 

Leonard winces. “Sorry. I didn’t think—”

 

“It’s okay!” Ray assures him. “I mean, I’m assuming you’ve been through all of our things.”

 

“What?” Leonard asks, confused.

 

“Because you’re a thief,” Ray explains, opening his drawer and pulling clothes out of it. “I assume you just go through my things.”

 

“I’m not a thief anymore, Ray,” Leonard responds, quietly.

 

“No?” Ray asks.

 

“I haven’t stolen anything lately,” Leonard insists.

 

Ray smirks and, oh, that’s a new expression. “You keep stealing kisses from me,” he says, and Leonard’s heart speeds up. _Fuck_ , who is this confident, flirty man and what did he do with bumbling, gawky Raymond?

 

It seems as if the character Ray is embodying has emboldened him, and it shocks Leonard into silence.            

 

Ray doesn’t seem to notice, just grabs his bundle of clothes and walks back into the bathroom, his hair dripping onto the carpet.

 

* * *

 

Leonard should have planned this whole thing better.

 

He and Ray arrive at the pool-house, armed with tote bags full of swim trunks and towels. The original plan was to go swimming in the lake, but the thunderstorm outside ended that plan pretty quickly. Leonard prefers the pool, anyway: this way there’s no algae or swimming creatures to attack him in the water.

 

Ray, on the other hand, is slightly disappointed.

 

“I wanted to go swimming in the lake,” he whines.

 

“We have a whole week, darling,” Leonard reminds him, laughing. “We can go swimming in the lake another day.”

 

Ray sighs, dramatically. “ _Fine_.”

 

“Hey,” Leonard says, bumping lightly into Ray as they walk into the locker room, “being over-dramatic is my job.”

 

Ray laughs and slings an arm around Leonard’s shoulders. “Sorry, didn’t mean to take that away from you,” he says, and kisses Leonard’s temple.

 

When they get into the locker room, they realize that all the other couples are going into the changing rooms together, and that there’s only one stall left. They glance at each other quickly, but walk into it together.

 

“Should’ve changed in our room,” Leonard mutters.

 

Ray nods, then shrugs. “I don’t care,” he whispers. “It’s not like it’s something neither of us have seen before.”

 

“Yeah, but,” Leonard feels his face getting warm. “I’m not sure I…” he trails off.

 

“You want me to close my eyes?” Ray asks, his voice so quiet that Leonard has to strain to hear it.

 

This is _stupid_ , Ray is right. Leonard certainly isn’t worried about it becoming a dick-measuring contest (not that he’s worried that he’d feel inadequate if it turned into that), it’s just…it just feels weird. They’re too close to something real for it to just be casual, but they’re too far away from this being real for it to be sexy, or even comfortable.

 

So it’s just in that strange limbo space of: _this is weird and what are we doing, anyway?_ But Ray is waiting for an answer, so Leonard nods. Ray smiles at him and closes his eyes, pressing a hand over them to emphasize the fact that he is _most definitely not looking_. Leonard scrambles to change into his swim trunks, and taps Ray on the shoulder when he’s finished.

 

Ray opens his eyes, and looks at Leonard. “You’re gonna leave your shirt on?” he asks, as he strips off his own.

 

Leonard considers it, as Ray unbuttons his pants and steps out of them. He’s distracted from his thoughts by Ray also starting to pull down his boxers. “Do you want me to close my eyes?” he asks, making sure to keep his voice quiet so they won’t be overheard.

 

“I don’t care,” Ray responds. “You don’t have to, it really doesn’t matter to me.”

 

Leonard really should close his eyes, he really should.

 

He doesn’t.

 

He does try not to look down, as Ray steps out of his boxers and into his swim trunks, but his eyes do flick down for a second.

 

Wow, okay.

 

That’s a lot.

 

Leonard clears his throat and shuffles a half-step back to lean against the wall. It doesn’t really help—the room is so small that no matter how far apart they are, they’re going to be almost touching, but it gives Leonard a little bit of space to stop freaking out about how _big Ray’s dick is_.

 

Yeah, he’s not gonna stop thinking about that. He really should have _closed his_ _fucking eyes_.

 

“Leonard?” Ray asks.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Shirt?”

 

“Oh, yeah.” Leonard pulls his mind away from Ray’s dick and shrugs. “I should, right?”

 

“Probably,” Ray responds, his swim trunks fully on. “You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of,” Ray continues.

 

“I guess,” Leonard concedes. He might as well. This is part of the mission, even if more people will see his scars today than the rest of his life combined. He’s not sure how to deal with that, but Ray is smiling sweetly at him, and he figures, what the hell?

 

He grabs the neck of his shirt and pulls it off, folding it and placing it back into his tote bag with his jeans.

 

“You look great, sweetheart,” Ray says as they walk out of the changing room, not bothering to keep his voice down. This is part of the character, that’s all.

 

And Leonard is definitely not thinking about Ray’s dick, definitely not remembering when he came at the thought of Ray calling him ‘sweetheart,’ definitely not.

 

At least those thoughts distract him from being shirtless in front of approximately twenty strangers, or almost-strangers for a few minutes. The locker room has mostly cleared out by the time they emerge, but Leonard starts to feel anxious as they walk down the hallway towards the pool.

 

“Hey,” Ray says, slinging an arm around his waist, “I mean that. You look great.”

 

“Thanks,” Leonard says, unconsciously snuggling up against Ray’s side. “That helps,” he says, looking up at Ray. It does, it really does help, even if he hates to admit it.

 

Leonard wishes that he could be as confident in his skin as Ray seems to be. Well, maybe if he was as jacked as Ray is, and maybe if his torso wasn’t entirely covered in scars, he would be, too.

 

Nah, probably not.

 

Too many things would have to change for that; too many things about his childhood would have to be different for him to feel safe in his own skin. And if all that was different, Leonard would be a different person.

 

There’s no time to wax poetic on that, though, because they walk into the pool room together, and immediately Leonard has to start being social.

 

Sam and Jasper end up being the couple they have the most in common with, so they mostly stick together. Leonard and Sam tread water together, chatting about books, while Ray and Jasper have a swim race. Leonard swims over to the edge, to prop his elbows up on the wall behind him, and watches the two of them speed through the water.

 

“Our boyfriends are pretty damn good-looking, huh?” Sam jokes, noticing what Leonard is looking at.

 

“They sure are,” Leonard agrees, smiling. “How long have you and Jasper been together?” he asks.

 

“About a year and a half,” Sam replies. Their expression turns wistful. “He came into the bookstore where I work, looking for a specific book, but we got to talking and he walked out with like ten books. From then on, he was a regular, and we flirted back and forth for a few months before my coworker got annoyed at me and told me to ask him out. I did, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

 

“That’s sweet,” Leonard says, as Jasper and Ray swim back over to the two of them.

 

“We were thinking of heading to the sauna,” Ray says, brushing his sopping hair out of his face. “You guys wanna check it out?”

 

Leonard raises an eyebrow at Ray. “Steam and heat? _Really_?”

 

“Aw,” Ray says, and pouts. “But it sounds really fun, it will be good for any sore muscles, _please_?”

 

And, well, Leonard can’t say no to those puppy eyes. “Alright, I’ll go.”

 

“Yay!” Ray says, leaning forward to kiss Leonard lightly on the lips. He tastes like chlorine. Leonard doesn’t mind, he just wants to kiss Ray again and again and again, until the only taste on Ray’s tongue is _Leonard_.

 

But, he doesn’t. Leonard half can’t wait until this week is over, so he can get the memory of Ray’s lips on his out of his mind—but the other half of him wants this week to never end.

 

After rinsing off, they head to the sauna, and into another changing room. This time, Leonard covers up in a robe before slipping out of his swim trunks, and squeezes his eyes shut as Ray takes his trunks off and wraps a towel around his waist.

 

“You’re gonna be hot in the robe,” Ray warns.

 

Leonard shrugs. “I’ve been uncovered enough today, I need to…” He trails off, as Ray looks at him with worry in his eyes.

 

“You doing okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Leonard says. “It’s just a lot all at once, you know? It was fine when I was in the water: everything was distorted. But we’re gonna be sitting with a bunch of people, and I’d just—I’d be on display.”

 

Ray gathers him up in a hug. “I get why you’re self-conscious about your scars, but you don’t have to be. I promise. If anyone asks, I’ll kick their ass, okay?”

 

“I’ll be fine in the robe, darling,” Leonard mutters against Ray’s chest. Even with the showers, Ray still smells like chlorine. His skin is soft and smooth, and Leonard wants to drag his teeth along the broad expanses of it.

 

“Okay, if you’re sure. You can always come back and change later if you get too warm,” Ray suggests.

 

Leonard nods. “Let’s go.”

 

Ray’s right, of course. Leonard starts to overheat the second they walk inside. He snuggles up against Ray’s side and Ray grins at him, draping an arm casually around his shoulders.

 

It’s comfortable, for a second, and then Leonard is way too warm. “Okay, you have a point,” he admits.

 

“Oh, I do?” Ray asks, grinning. “Please say that again, I’d love to hear you tell me I’m right.”

 

“Not a chance,” Leonard teases, smiling back. “ _Fine_ ,” he continues, “I’ll go change into a towel. Be right back.” He kisses Ray quickly and heads out.

 

The cool air outside of the sauna feels like a dream, and Leonard supposes he’s making the right choice. At least Ray has his back, so maybe he can get through this okay. Maybe he can get through this without his insecurities taking over.

 

He ties the towel around his waist in the changing room, and looks at himself in the full-length mirror attached to the wall. Leonard examines his reflection: a tall, pudgy man, covered in scars. He pokes at one of the scars on his shoulder, tracing the line of it—a mirror image of the one on his sister.

 

Leonard can do this, he can do this. He can. He _will_. He has Ray at his side, he can get through this.

 

With Ray, he can get through anything.

 

And, fuck, he hates himself for thinking that, but it’s true. He can get through anything, he thinks, as long as Raymond is by his side.

 

He takes a deep breath and heads back to the sauna, basking in Ray’s pleased smile when he walks back in. Ray’s eyes flick over his torso, smile growing wider.

 

“You’re gorgeous,” Ray throws out casually, and Leonard feels his face flushing even more than it already was with the heat in the room.

 

“Thanks, darling,” Leonard mutters, snuggling back up against Ray’s side. Nobody comments on the scars or the pudge, they just welcome him back.

 

“So,” Jasper starts, once Leonard is settled back in, “how did you two get together? You mentioned last night that you work together—is that how you met?”

 

Leonard nods. He and Ray had hashed their story out beforehand, but Leonard still takes control of it. “We’re on a team together at our job, with a handful of other people. Initially, we didn’t get along—at all.”

 

Ray laughs. “That’s an understatement.”

 

“Shh,” Leonard says, letting a smile play across his face. “Let me tell the story.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Ray says, making a motion like he’s zipping his mouth shut and throwing away the key.

 

“Anyway,” Leonard says, grinning wide, “we slowly grew to respect each other, which turned into us becoming friends. Then I, uh,” Leonard glances over at Ray, “I had to leave, for about a year. I got sick—I’m okay now, I’m fine, but it was a rough year, for both of us.”

 

“When he left,” Ray cuts in, clearly unable to keep his mouth shut, “I realized how much I cared for him, and I missed him _so much_. So when he came back, I made sure he knew that. And, well, things progressed from there.” It’s close enough to the truth that it doesn’t sound like a lie when Ray says it.

 

“So who asked who out?” Sam asks, leaning forward and bracing their elbows on their knees.

 

Uh-oh. They hadn’t talked about this part. Ray laughs nervously. “It was, uh—”

 

“It was more of a mutual thing,” Leonard cuts in, his brain whirling. “We just—well, we just kissed. Uh, we were out on a job but technically off the clock, and we were together and we—we kissed.”

 

“Just like that?” Jasper asks.

 

“Well, there was build-up,” Ray says, picking up the thread, his laugh more real this time. “We were sitting in Leo’s bed, talking, and we kept moving closer together, and finally it just happened. You know how it is, late at night, when everything seems so intimate?”

 

Jasper and Sam nod, and Leonard looks over at Ray. The way Ray is talking, even Leonard is convinced. The story sounds romantic, like sweeping music should be playing in the background.

 

“He kissed me first,” Ray describes, “and I knew that I never wanted to stop kissing him. It wasn’t like, a full-on makeout session, just a light press of his lips, but I knew. I _knew_.”

 

“You did?” Leonard asks, unable to stop himself. Then he realizes what he said and backpedals. “You’ve never told me that before—about how you felt when I kissed you, I mean.”

 

“Well, we were a little distracted after that,” Ray continues, laughing. “But, yeah, of course, Leo.” He cups Leonard’s face in his hand, bringing Leonard in for a kiss. His tongue slips into Leonard’s mouth briefly: a quick but deep kiss. When he pulls back, he continues, “When you kissed me for the first time, I knew that I couldn’t ever go back to just being your friend. I knew that I was yours, and yours alone.”

 

His voice is soft, sweet, full of emotion, and Leonard can’t get a deep breath. He’s not sure if it’s the sauna heat or Ray’s words—or a combination—and he’s getting dizzy with it all.

 

“I love you, Leo.”

 

What the _fuck_.

 

Leonard wants to freak out—needs to freak out—but they’re in front of people, they have to keep up appearances.

 

“Love you too,” he mutters, ducking down and hiding his face against Ray’s chest. Fuck, he means it. Fuck, he’s never meant anything more.

 

Jasper laughs, and Leonard just barely doesn’t jump at the noise. “You two are _precious_ ,” he coos. “When I met you, I thought Leo was gonna be this big, tough guy, totally at odds with his sunny boyfriend, but you’re just a big softie, aren’t you, Leo?”

 

“That’s me,” Leonard says, lifting his face up from Ray’s chest and forcing a smile. “A big softie.”

 

Ray, Jasper, and Sam fall back into conversation, but Leonard can’t keep up. They hadn’t planned for this, they hadn’t talked about it. They hadn’t even thought to bring it up. Is _Leonard_ falling for the charade, now? Did he want to hear those words so badly that he let himself believe that Ray could actually love him?

 

Ray nudges him gently out of his thoughts. “Hey,” he mutters, “you okay? Getting too hot for you?” he continues, giving Leonard an out, clearly noticing that Leonard is freaking out.

 

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Leonard says. “You know I don’t do well in the heat.”

 

“I think that’s enough sauna for one day, then.” Ray stands up, helping Leonard to his feet. “You two coming with?”

 

“Nah,” Jasper says after glancing at Sam. “I think we’ll stay for a bit longer. We’ll catch you guys at dinner.”

 

“See you there,” Ray asks, and herds Leonard out of the sauna. They stop by the locker room to grab their things and change back into their clothes, but they’re silent the whole time. There’s no joking, no quips about seeing each other naked, no comments about Ray pointedly closing his eyes so Leonard can change in privacy.

 

Ray seems to realize he freaked Leonard out, so he gives Leonard space, all the way to their room. Once they get in and shut the door, though, Ray speaks.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t—it just slipped out. I thought it worked for the moment, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He looks at Leonard, all big, watery eyes and down-turned lips.

 

How does Leonard even respond to this? What does Leonard say to fix this? He wants to stride forward, to cross the distance between them. He wants to take Ray’s face in his hands and say, ‘I love you, Raymond.’ He wants to kiss Raymond senseless, wants to press his naked body up against Raymond’s and make _love_ to him.

 

But he can’t, he can’t, he just fucking can’t. He’s not that person, he can’t be the kind of person Ray deserves. He can’t—he just can’t handle this.

 

“Leo?” Ray asks. “ _Leonard_?”

 

“I—” Leonard can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t speak.

 

“Oh, _sweetheart_ ,” Raymond says, and steps forward, wrapping Leonard in his arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what saying that would do. I should’ve—you haven’t had anyone say it to you, like that, have you?”

 

Leonard shakes his head, buried in Raymond’s neck. He’d been pushing it down, pushing down the words that Raymond said—that Leonard said back—but now they spring up to the forefront of his mind, sending him flying into panic.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Raymond repeats, over and over again, one hand running up and down Leonard’s back, the other cupping the base of Leonard’s skull.

 

Leonard’s brain is short-circuiting, whirling and spinning and rushing through thoughts faster than Leonard can catalog them. Raymond is right—when was the last time anyone told Leonard that they _love him_? He and Lisa barely say it to each other, they figure that the other knows, without having to say it. His father, well, he can’t remember his father _ever_ saying it.

 

Raymond is making soft shushing noises, and Leonard realizes that he’s shaking. “It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay, I’m here,” Raymond mutters, his voice washing over Leonard like soft waves, breaking upon the sand.

 

Finally, Leonard calms down. Finally, he catches his breath. Finally, his mind slows and his heartbeat follows.

 

He pulls back, wiping at his eyes. He wasn’t _crying_ , exactly, but his eyes did well up. Raymond’s long fingers tap at the underside of his chin, lifting his head. Leonard looks into Raymond’s eyes and sees that they’re full of affection, wide and brimming over with emotion. He has to look away, or he’s going to start freaking out again. He’s so embarrassed.

 

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, turning away from Ray. “I just, I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again.”

 

“ _Leonard_ ,” Ray says, his voice soft, “it’s okay to let yourself feel things. It’s okay to be emotional. I’m really glad you trust me enough to let me see you like that, to let me help you through it. I wanna help you, Leonard. Please, let me help you.”

 

“How?” Leonard asks, his voice thick. He still can’t face Ray.

 

“Talk to me,” Ray says.

 

Leonard shakes his head. “It’s not important.”

 

Ray chuckles, and it’s a kind, warm noise. “Yeah, I said that to you, about my childhood. You knew I was full of shit then, and I know you’re full of shit now. I know you well enough by now to see that. So, _please_ , talk to me, Leonard.”

 

Leonard turns and sits down at the end of the bed, his eyes focused on the floor. Ray comes around and sits down next to him, draping an arm over his shoulders.

 

“I’m here for you,” Ray says, and kisses Leonard’s cheek softly.

 

Leonard swallows. “Remember how you wanted me to remind you that this isn’t real?” he asks.

 

Ray nods. “I do.”

 

“Well, I think…I think I might need that reminder, too.” Leonard clears his throat, pointedly still looking at the ground.

 

“Hey,” Raymond says, placing his hand on Leonard’s cheek and turning Leonard’s face towards him. “I only wanted that because I didn’t—I didn’t think you’d feel the same. But, if you need the reminder, does that mean—”

 

“I can’t have this discussion right now, Raymond,” Leonard says, pulling his face out of Raymond’s grasp. “I can’t—I need some space, okay?”

 

Raymond nods, Leonard can see the motion out of the corner of his eye. “Okay. I understand. But, Leonard, we should talk about it. Because if you want this to be real, and I think you do, then we should stop dancing around it and—”

 

“ _Raymond_ ,” Leonard says. He can’t listen to this, he’s going to start hyperventilating, he’s going to _lose it_. “Please, I can’t, I really can’t right now.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Raymond says, and wraps himself once more around Leonard. “I’m so sorry. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you through this. I’m here for you. I _care_ about you. I hope you know that.”

 

“I do,” Leonard says, and takes a deep breath. “I do.”

 

They sit like that for a while, Raymond’s thumb brushing against his shoulder in a steady rhythm. It takes almost half an hour, but Leonard finally calms down enough to unfold himself from Ray, to stand up and brush himself off, and declare that he’s going to shower the chlorine and sweat away before dinner.

 

“Okay,” Ray says. “You good?”

 

“I’m good,” Leonard says, letting his lips curl up in a small smile. “Thanks to you.”

 

Ray beams back at him. “That’s what I’m here for, _sweetheart_.”

 

Leonard feels his smile growing as he heads into the bathroom. Okay, maybe he made a fool of himself, and he’s sure he’s going to lie awake later, regretting all of that. But, right now, he feels lighter. He feels like maybe, just maybe, this week is going to be the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

Maybe, just maybe, this can be real.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So what’s really the problem?” Sam asks. “Because I don’t think it’s just the long-distance stuff, this doesn’t feel like that to me. Trust me, I’ve done long distance.” They laugh, and Leonard offers up a small smile.
> 
> “I’m not sure,” he says, after a minute. “I just…I just don’t think I’m the right fit, for him.” The words hurt, coming out of his mouth, and maybe this is too much, maybe this is over-sharing, but it’s too late: the words are out there.
> 
> “Doesn’t look like he thinks that,” Sam says. “It looks to me like he thinks you’re the moon and stars. Damn, Leo, the way he looks at you, even I get butterflies, and I’m not on the receiving end of that stare.”

After dinner, there’s a campfire. Leonard and Ray go, even though they’re exhausted. Well, Leonard is exhausted. Emotionally, mostly. He didn’t do enough of anything to be physically exhausted. But today brought up more feelings than Leonard has dealt with in a long time, and he’s _tired_.

 

Thank god for Ray, honestly. Ray is the life of the party, and he seems to feed off conversation and attention, whereas those things just sap Leonard’s energy away. At least Sam, Leonard’s new best friend, also seems to be an introvert—or at least they are just quieter than their partner. Ray and Jasper are having a blast together, telling jokes to the rest of the attendees over the crackling flames.

 

Leonard and Sam’s conversation has wandered slightly from books—but only as far as representation in genre media. They’re both upset at the lack of queer people, and people of color, and queer people of color, in science fiction and fantasy. It’s getting better, but the both of them still don’t feel like there’s enough. At least it looks like the media landscape is changing, even if it’s at a snail’s pace.

 

“You seem a bit shaken,” Sam says, after they’ve been talking for a while. “Everything okay?”

 

Leonard must not be as good of an actor as he thinks he is, or maybe everything with Raymond and his own emotional state is catching up with him. “Yeah, I’m okay,” Leonard says, trying to sound convincing. Sam doesn’t seem to buy it, and they raise an eyebrow at him. “Okay, yeah, Ray and I are going through some stuff.”

 

“You wanna talk about it?” Sam asks, voice soft and concerned.

 

Leonard shrugs. “It’s nothing bad,” he clarifies, and then pauses. He’s not sure exactly how to phrase this without making their relationship sound fake. “We’re long distance a lot,” he says, hoping that will be close enough to the truth—that Leonard has only been back in Ray’s life for a few months, that Leonard was dead before that. The truth that before _that_ , Ray was dating someone else and Leonard thought he wanted to be with someone else.

 

It’s all a mess, and Leonard tries to simplify it the best he can.

 

“It’s just growing pains,” he continues. “You know, we’ve been together for a while, but we often don’t travel with each other for work, so it still just feels so new when we’re actually in the same place—when our schedules actually line up. This weekend is kind a big step for us, so I guess we’re just trying to figure out where we stand.” Leonard hopes it makes sense.

 

“I get you,” Sam says, and Leonard lets out a small sigh of relief. “For what it’s worth, you two do seem to really click. And you really do seem in love. That’s nice, to see. Jasper and I…” Sam pauses, looking over at their partner. “We’ve been together for a year and a half, like I said, and it’s great, it’s really great, but I’m not sure if he’s ready for commitment. Hell, I’ve been ready to propose since the moment I met him, but we haven’t even moved in together! I just feel like we’re moving so slowly, and it’s frustrating sometimes.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Leonard offers.

 

Sam shrugs. “It is what it is. I’m over at his place more than half the time, anyway. And he’s good to me, you know? He takes care of me, makes sure I’m eating enough, makes sure I’m getting enough sleep, all that. It looks like you and Ray take care of each other, too.”

 

Leonard thinks about it for a minute. He thinks about walking into the lab in the middle of the night and yelling at Raymond to go to sleep. He thinks about noticing the lack of Raymond in the galley and walking, once again, into the lab to drag the other man to meals. He thinks about the two of them bickering, each trying to get the other one to the med-bay after a mission, and then eventually going together.

 

He thinks about Raymond checking in with him, about his emotional state. He thinks about Raymond giving him space, right now, letting him figure it out on his own, while still offering support in any way he can.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard admits. “We do.”

 

“So what’s _really_ the problem?” Sam asks. “Because I don’t think it’s just the long-distance stuff, this doesn’t feel like that to me. Trust me, I’ve _done_ long distance.” They laugh, and Leonard offers up a small smile.

 

“I’m not sure,” he says, after a minute. “I just…I just don’t think I’m the right fit, for him.” The words hurt, coming out of his mouth, and maybe this is too much, maybe this is over-sharing, but it’s too late: the words are out there.

 

“Doesn’t look like _he_ thinks that,” Sam says. “It looks to me like he thinks you’re the moon and stars. Damn, Leo, the way he looks at you, even _I_ get butterflies, and I’m not on the receiving end of that stare.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. _Really_. Seems to me like you’re worrying about nothing.” Sam puts a hand on Leonard’s shoulder. “If he loves you, he loves you. No wrong fit on that. If he loves you, he loves you for a reason.” They pat Leonard’s shoulder and take their hand back.

 

Leonard does feel a little better at their words, and he smiles. “Thanks, Sam. I hope you and Jasper figure your stuff out.”

 

“Thanks, Leo. You’re a good man.”

 

That hits Leonard, hard, in the pit of his stomach. Guilt rolls up, threatening to spill out. He swallows it down—he can be a good man, he can be, he can let himself be good. No matter what he’s done in the past, he can change that, he can change, he can be _good_.

 

Fuck, he wants to be good.

 

Sam doesn’t seem to notice anything is amiss, and they wander off in the direction of s’mores after asking if Leonard wants any.

 

Leonard shakes his head, glad to be alone for a minute. He’s never wanted to be _good_ this badly before, and he’s sure it’s at least partially due to Raymond. He feels his face heating up at the thought, but all he wants is for Raymond to tell him he’s a good boy. He thinks he could die happy, if Raymond would just say those words to him.

 

That’s pathetic, and Leonard hates it, but it doesn’t make him want it any less.

 

Raymond looks over, then, and Leonard feels his face flushing even more as Ray says something to Jasper and walks back over. He plops down in the chair Sam had vacated.

 

“Having fun?” he asks, his voice rough from the smoke of the fire. Leonard wants to put his mouth on Raymond’s throat.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard says, and it’s only half a lie. He is having fun, mostly. He just also is distracted by thoughts of Raymond, thoughts of what might happen between them this week. “You?”

 

“I am!” Ray says brightly. “You should come closer to the fire, socialize a bit. There are a lot of really cool people here, and I’m sure you’d like a lot of them.”

 

“I’m not very good at being social, _darling_ ,” Leonard says. “Never was one for small talk.”

 

“It’s not all small talk,” Ray insists. “We’re talking about our lives, about politics—ooh, and there was a good discussion on gender theory!”

 

Leonard shrugs. “That all sounds _fine_ , but I’m not sure what I would contribute to any of those.” He lowers his voice. “It’s not like I can say anything about our lives that would be true. Plus, I don’t know what’s happening in the political world right now because we keep jumping around and messing things up and fixing them, and I can’t keep track of _everything_.”

 

Ray laughs, a rough, warm sound that sends shivers through Leonard’s body. “You have an excuse for everything, don’t you, sweetheart? Alright, I’ll leave you here. But you can come join if you want—and I’d like it if you did.” He walks off, leaving a draft in his wake.

 

A few minutes tick by before Leonard groans and gives in. He stands up and drags his chair over, placing it next to Ray.

 

Ray looks over, a wide grin on his face. “Glad you decided to join us, my dear.”

 

Well, _that’s_ a new one, and Leonard looks down to see a cup in Ray’s hand. “What are you drinking?” he asks, suspicious.

 

One of the people he’s talking with holds up a bottle of scotch. “You want some?” the man, Alexander, asks, with a smirk.

 

Leonard nods. Might as well. He accepts the cup with a, “Thank you,” and sips at the amber liquid, enjoying the burn as it rolls across his tongue and down his throat. Maybe that was another reason Ray’s voice is rougher than usual. Leonard will have to experiment—no. That is a bad train of thought. Still, Leonard won’t deny that he enjoys the roughness of his fake boyfriend’s voice. It’s _hot_.

 

“Hey,” Ray mutters, halfway through a conversation about the new Marvel movie that’s coming out in a few weeks, “I wanna cuddle.” Leonard’s not sure of the expression that crosses his face, but it must not be good because Ray backpedals quickly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just—”

 

“No,” Leonard says, needing to fix this. “That sounds good. Where do you want me?”

 

Ray responds by pulling Leonard into his lap, sideways. Leonard automatically puts an arm around Raymond’s shoulder, as Raymond drapes his free arm around Leonard’s waist. Then Raymond snuggles up against his chest, making a soft, content noise.

 

“You’re comfy,” Ray says, pressing his face against Leonard. Leonard can’t help himself from smiling fondly through a sip of whiskey, and he runs his fingers through Raymond’s soft hair. “I like how squishy you are,” Raymond mutters, so quietly that Leonard almost doesn’t hear him at first.

 

When the words do process, Leonard feels the impact of them running through his entire body. He swallows hard as his heartbeat speeds up, and he feels tingly all over. Leonard wonders if Raymond understands the impact of his words.

 

Of his words, and of his actions. Ray is caressing Leonard’s waist, fingers slipping under the hem of Leonard’s shirt to dance over his skin, and, oh, Leonard _feels_ that. Maybe a little _too_ much.

 

“Hey, darling,” he murmurs into Ray’s hair. “Remember when you kissed my neck the other night?” Ray nods—Leonard feels it against his chest. “Mmm, well this is kind of like that.”

 

Ray’s hand stills. “Oh,” he says. “You want me to stop?”

 

Leonard _really doesn’t_ , but they are still in front of other people. “For now,” he concedes, and Ray perks up at that.

 

“So, later?” he asks, pulling back just enough to look up at Leonard.

 

“Not yet,” Leonard says, reluctantly, turning so his voice hits only Ray’s ear. “I’m not ready yet. But, yeah, maybe later.”

 

“Okay,” Ray says, and turns his head to press a kiss to the underside of Leonard’s jaw.

 

“ _Please_ ,” Jasper cuts in, laughing, “get a room, you two!”

 

Whoops. This is too close, too much, too public. “Well,” Leonard says, standing up to a pout from Ray, “I guess that’s our cue to head out. _Darling_?”

 

Ray nods, understanding. “We’ll see you all tomorrow! Goodnight!”

 

The two of them walk off, holding hands all the way back inside to their room.

 

“You okay?” Ray asks, when they’re safely inside.

 

Leonard shrugs. “Same as earlier, I think.”

 

Ray hums in acknowledgment, and they fall silent as they get ready for bed.

 

As they curl up to go to sleep, though, Ray turns to Leonard, sitting up in bed. He doesn’t say anything, just slowly cups Leonard’s face, leaning in and kissing him. Raymond tastes like minty toothpaste and the light aftermath of whiskey. He smells like burning wood and crackling flames. Leonard never wants to stop kissing him.

 

But Raymond pulls back after a minute and rests his forehead against Leonard’s. “That was real,” he mutters. “You don’t have to say anything, or acknowledge that I said that,” he says quickly, correctly interpreting Leonard’s sharp intake of breath as a route to panic. “I just wanted to let you know that that was _real_. Goodnight, Leonard,” he says, pulling back and turning around, lying down with his back to Leonard.

 

Mind spinning, Leonard lies down automatically, curling up around Ray.

 

That was _real_? What the hell is Leonard supposed to do with that information?

 

He knows what he _wants_ to do—he wants to push Raymond over onto his back and climb on top of him to kiss him breathless. He wants to pull Raymond’s soft gray sweatpants off, follow them with Raymond’s deep red boxers that he can see peeking out over the waistband of the aforementioned sweatpants. He wants to wrap his mouth around Raymond’s giant— _stop, Leonard_ , he tells himself. _If you’re gonna get a boner, at least wait until Raymond is asleep, you useless fucking queer_.

 

Luckily, though, Leonard is so worn out from his emotions that he slips off into sleep pretty quickly. His dreams are filled with Raymond—with soft caresses, warm words, and sweet kisses.

 

* * *

 

Things feel weird the next morning. Half the time, Ray seems on the verge of saying something, but he keeps stopping himself. He keeps his distance from Leonard while they’re still in their room, and he’s slightly less openly affectionate at breakfast.

 

Leonard is torn between thinking that Ray is giving him space and that Ray changed his mind and doesn’t want things to be real after all. It’s stupid; intellectually, Leonard knows it’s the former, but that doesn’t stop his brain from freaking out on him.

 

But today, they have to focus on the mission. They’re going on a (ugh) _hike_ , and Niraj is leading it. This is their chance to get close to him and to start figuring out what’s going on.

 

This is where Leonard should take the lead, should get things underway, but he’s exhausted. He hadn’t slept well—his dreams kept waking him up. Then, it took him forever to fall back asleep: he was too full of feelings at being pressed up against Raymond. So he’s fatigued, sluggish and a little loopy.

 

So, Ray steps up. Takes the lead. He pulls Leonard to the front of the group, listens closely to Niraj as the man points out interesting landmarks, and follows closely. The way he strikes up a conversation with Niraj seems so natural, and Leonard can only tag along in his wake, his hand clasped loosely in Ray’s.

 

Niraj is open, conversational, and warm, but he’s cagey about his past in a way that reminds Leonard of Rip. His cadence is off, too, but only slightly. Ray keeps him talking, directing the conversation masterfully and Leonard is impressed. Ray is taking charge of this mission, since Leonard clearly can’t seem to get his shit together, and it’s _hot_.

 

As they stop for lunch, Ray pulls Leonard off to the side. “Does he remind you of Rip?” Ray asks.

 

Leonard nods. “I was thinking that.”

 

“Do you think he’s a Time Master?” Ray posits.

 

“It might make sense,” Leonard says, shrugging. “It might be why he’s confusing our sensors. Our equipment _knows_ he’s out of place, but he’s not actively doing anything to disrupt the timeline, so it just gets confused.” Confused, kind of like how Leonard is feeling, right now.

 

Ray hums, thinking. Leonard stares, watching the cogs tick behind those big, beautiful eyes. Ray’s eyes refocus after a minute, and he grins. “See something you like?”

 

Leonard feels heat rising to his face and he looks away, embarrassed at being caught looking.

 

“Hey,” Ray says, his fingertips gently lifting Leonard’s chin up to look back at him, “it’s _okay_ , sweetheart.”

 

That fucking pet name—Leonard wants to growl, wants to steal it from Raymond’s lips with a harsh kiss. He wants to hear Raymond moaning it from underneath him…fuck, he’s got it bad.

 

“Got any ideas?” he asks, avoiding the topic of conversation entirely.

 

Ray shrugs. “Maybe I’ll start dropping hints, see what he picks up on.”

 

Leonard hums. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

 

Lunch over, Ray and Leonard get back on mission, and Leonard still trails along by Ray’s side while the other man pries information out of Niraj.

 

It’s not until they reach the end of the hike, however, that things click into place.

 

Niraj pulls them aside, looking around to make sure they haven’t been overheard. “Are you with _them_?” he asks, sounding worried. “I’m not causing any harm, I’m just trying to live my life.”

 

“Who is ‘them?’” Ray asks, giving up any pretense. “Because the answer is probably gonna be no, we’re just looking for answers as to why our equipment picked you out.”

 

“You’re not Time Masters?” Niraj asks, sounding relieved. “Oh, thank goodness. You and all your questions had me worried, Ray.”

 

Leonard shakes his head. “We’re _definitely_ not Time Masters. I…I _may_ have blown up the Vanishing Point…”

 

Niraj looks at him with wide eyes. “That was you? I heard about that but I didn’t dare to hope! How are you alive? Who are you? Are you freelancers? Time pirates?”

 

“We’re Legends,” Ray answers, but Niraj looks at him blankly. “Yeah,” Ray continues with a shrug, “freelancers.”

 

“And my being alive—well, our _team_ kind of, uh, broke time? A little bit?” Leonard winces at Niraj’s expression.

 

“ _What_?” he hisses. “You did what?”

 

“We fixed it, but anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, why did you come up on our sensors?”

 

Niraj sighs, getting back on track. “I used to be a Time Master,” he admits. “But I was on a mission and I…I fell in love. And I know it wasn’t time drift, because I went back to the Time Masters and I still loved him. I loved him—still love him—more than anything. So, I left. Abandoned ship. I’ve been in hiding from them ever since.”

 

Ray nods. “I understand. Rip left for love, too.”

 

“Rip?” Niraj asks. “Rip _Hunter_?”

 

“You know him?” Leonard asks.

 

“I do,” Niraj answers. “Not personally, but I’ve heard of him. He was one of the best, what happened?”

 

“Vandal Savage killed his family, and the Time Masters let it happen,” Ray says. “They wanted it to happen, actually. It’s why Rip got our current team together—well, with some changes—but we were brought together to stop Savage from taking over the world, and to attempt to save Rip’s family. We succeeded in the first, failed in the second.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Niraj says. “Can I talk to him? I’d like to hear what he’s been up to, since I’ve never been able to contact another former Time Master.”

 

Ray nods. “We’ll set up a meeting with the two of you tomorrow.”

 

“Thank you,” Niraj says, sounding sincere. Then he pauses, looking between the two of them. “So, are you two not actually a couple?”

 

Leonard and Ray glance at each other. “Uh,” Ray says, “it’s complicated.”

 

Leonard nods in agreement. That’s certainly one way to put it.

 

Niraj looks at them dubiously. “You two certainly fooled me, so if I were you, I’d figure out that complication. I’d be interested to see where you are on the other end of this—especially if you only came together for this.” He looks around at the now-empty lawn of the resort. “We should get to dinner, but I look forward to talking with you more, and to meeting with Rip Hunter tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

After dinner, they head back to their room, bowing out of the campfire for this night. A few other couples decided against it, too, so it’s not like they stand out too much for skipping it.

 

Ray puts the earpiece in when they get back to the room, filling the team in on what they found out, and setting up a time for Rip to come to the resort and meet with Niraj.

 

After that, they’ll decide about how the rest of the week will go. Sara seems set on making them finish out the week, “so nobody gets suspicious,” apparently.

 

Leonard rolls his eyes when Ray relays that message. He doesn’t believe her for a second, but this is one thing he’s not going to fight her on. He’s okay with staying away from the team for another few days so he can figure this out, get his head on straight.

 

Once that’s done with, they curl up in bed next to each other: Leonard reading Ray’s book, Ray reading the book that Leonard brought and discarded. They’re in their pajamas, and Ray is even wearing a shirt, which Leonard was slightly disappointed by.

 

Once again, though, Leonard is having a hard time focusing on the words in front of him. Even with this book being slightly less heady than the one he’d been trying to read before. He’s too wired, too emotionally compromised. Leonard sighs and puts the book down.

 

“You okay?” Ray asks, glancing up from his book.

 

“I don’t know,” Leonard says. “Before you ask, though, I’m not really to talk about it yet. I think I just need to—to think.”

 

“Okay,” Ray says, “I can live with that.” He drapes an arm around Leonard’s shoulders, pulling him in close. Leonard lets Ray position him so they’re cuddled up; Leonard’s head resting on Ray’s shoulder. He snuggles in closer, resting a hand on Raymond’s chest. Raymond’s arm loops around him, half holding him, half propping open the book he’s reading.

 

It’s cozy.

 

It’s warm.

 

It’s _safe_.

 

Leonard feels safe, in a way he can never remember feeling before. It’s overwhelming, and he can already feel his head spinning like he drank half a bottle of whiskey.

 

What is he gonna do about this?

 

If he’s honest with himself, _this_ has been a long time coming. A really long time. Since the beginning, probably. He remembers the first time he saw Raymond, on that rooftop. He hadn’t thought much of the other man besides general attraction, and he’d thought even less of the man in the first few days of their voyage together.

 

But something changed, in Vandal Savage’s house, when they were trapped in that cage together. Something shifted, for Leonard. He’d been thinking of Raymond as a pushover—as pathetic, naive. He’d expected Raymond to back off at a threat, back off at a punch. Instead, Raymond punched him back. It wasn’t a good punch, and Leonard has a vague thought that someone still needs to teach Raymond how to punch properly, but it was solid.

 

Raymond, naive, sickly-sweet Raymond stood his ground, and that’s when Leonard thought, _oh. Oh, maybe he’s more interesting than I gave him credit for_. That’s when Leonard thought, _maybe there’s more to Raymond than meets the eye_.

 

And there was.

 

As soon as they got to work, Raymond complimented Leonard’s intelligence. He worked _with_ Leonard—he treated Leonard like an equal. There was no condescension in his tone, when he fiddled with the tech under the artifact, just a simple, teaching moment. Leonard hadn’t been able to stop a biting comment, but it was softer than he’d meant it to be. It was almost a compliment—and Leonard doesn’t give a lot of those out.

 

The breaking point, of course, was Russia. Leonard expected to die, with Valentina’s gun to his head. Stein was arguably more important to the team, to the mission, in _that moment_. Getting the core was, they thought, the most important thing to accomplish to save the world. No way Raymond would risk that, would risk the safety of the world, for someone like _Leonard Snart_.

 

But, he did.

 

He did.

 

The mission went awry, everything went to hell. Raymond, Mick, and Stein got captured. Raymond got beaten half to death and tortured besides that, and Leonard didn’t want to admit how much that upset him. So, he did what he always does: he bottled up his feelings, slipped Raymond his suit. He expected the other man to get himself out, because that would mean that Leonard wasn’t responsible for what happened.

 

If Mick hadn’t insisted on carrying Raymond out, though, Leonard would have been responsible. He kicks himself for that, whenever he remembers it. Whenever his mind wants to bring up all the times he was idiotic, harsh, _villainous_.

 

But, against all odds, they survived. That seemed to be the theme. Against all the odds, they survived. That’s what Legends do.

 

Leonard had to fuck that all up by dying, of course.

 

Then there were those ill-fated moments with Sara—and he realizes now that he had mistaken the strong bonds of friendship for affection. He cares for Sara, truly, he does. But imagining a future? He’d like to be in her future, sure, but as a friend. By her side. At her back. Not _together_ with her.

 

Back to the death, though; he’d _died_. He’d died and there was nothingness. It was barely a second for him before he winked back into existence, when the team had fucked up time. Still, he feels different, being back. He feels like he left a part of himself behind, that a part of him was blown away by the Oculus exploding.

 

He doesn’t miss it.

 

He doesn’t miss the cold, the cruelty. He may still be Captain Cold, but he’s thawing out. He feels warmth, down to his core, and he _likes it_. He likes the warmth.

 

He likes the warmth radiating off Raymond now. It’s soothing, calming, healing. In Raymond’s arms, he feels the ice chip away even more, thawing out his heart, brightening the light behind his eyes. His affection—not just for Raymond, but for the whole team—is soothing out his rough edges, and it feels right.

 

Maybe this is who Leonard Snart was always meant to be. Maybe this is who he would have been, if he’d grown up in a different situation, with a different father.

 

Lewis is dead, and Leonard feels free.

 

He feels free to be open, honest, warm, kind, flirtatious, goofy, nerdy. He feels free to—to fall in love.

 

Killing his father started him on this path. Being with the Legends has freed him even more—they have no assumptions about who he should be; they just let him _be_. Especially Raymond.

 

Raymond has always seen the human behind the block of ice, from that moment Leonard handed him the screwdriver. From the moment he told Leonard, “In another life, you could have been an electrical engineer.”

 

Raymond always saw the potential, the person. Not the criminal, not the supervillain. The man, under the hood.

 

Leonard half-wonders if ditching the parka was a sign that he was done hiding. Done hiding behind a persona, done hiding his heart.

 

He looks up at Raymond.

 

“Hi,” Raymond says, putting the book down. He’s looking at Leonard with such a soft intensity, his gaze warm and fond and, god, Leonard’s in love. “You ready to talk?”

 

Leonard pushes himself up, looking into Raymond’s eyes. “You wanna be with _me_?” he asks, his voice soft and tentative.

 

Raymond nods. “I do, Leonard.”

 

Leonard sits up fully, rubbing a hand awkwardly over his close-cropped hair. “I didn’t think I was allowed to…want. To want _you_.” He looks away, examining the cover of the book that Raymond had placed down on the bed. “I’m still not sure I won’t break you.”

 

“I’m more durable than I look,” Raymond tells him.

 

Leonard’s eyes flick up. “You look pretty damn durable,” he says, remembering running his hands across the other man’s muscles.

 

Raymond laughs, and the sound fills Leonard with warmth. To his complete surprise, Leonard finds himself smiling back. Raymond does that to him, though. Surprises him. Constantly.

 

“You’re _allowed_ to want me, Leonard,” Raymond says, when he stops laughing. His voice is firm but kind. “Tell me what you want from me.”

 

On that, Leonard isn’t completely sure. He’s sure he wants _too much_ —and at the same time, he’s not sure what he’s allowed to ask for. He’s not sure what the protocols are. But Raymond says he’s allowed to want.

 

“I want you all to myself,” Leonard says, finally, and hopes that Raymond doesn’t turn him away.

 

“You have me, then,” Raymond replies, a relieved grin on his face.

 

“Yeah?” Leonard asks. It almost doesn’t feel real.

 

“Yeah,” Raymond replies. “You want me to be your boyfriend, for real? Because that’s what I want—I want that, Leonard. I wanna be yours.”

 

Fuck, this is really happening. Leonard hadn’t even dared to hope, hadn’t even wanted to let himself want this. But it’s here, he’s on the cusp of this, and he just hopes he doesn’t fuck it up.

 

“Yes,” he says. “I want that. I want to—to be your boyfriend, your _real_ boyfriend.”

 

Raymond’s smile is so wide, Leonard isn’t sure that it’s not hurting the other man’s face. He’s practically _glowing_ , and Leonard wants to kiss him. Oh, but he can, now, can’t he? He leans in, but Raymond speaks first.

 

“Tell me what else you want,” he says, his voice turned low and seductive.

 

_Fuck_. That’s _hot_. Leonard shivers, and forgets how to speak. His gaze flicks up, and he sees fire blazing behind Raymond’s eyes.       

 

Raymond leans forward to meet him but pauses, an inch away from his face. “Tell me, Leonard,” he mutters, lowering his head to press his lips to the hollow under Leonard’s ear. “Tell me what you want.” He licks Leonard’s neck, a quick, slick, heated motion.

 

Leonard moans, the sound echoing through the quiet room, and he feels Raymond smile against his skin. “I want you,” Leonard murmurs, his breath already coming in short gasps. “Oh, _Raymond_ ,” he groans as Raymond presses hot, messy kisses against his neck, “I _want you_.”

 

“I’m yours,” Raymond says, pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside. “I’m yours,” Raymond says, slipping his hands under the hem of Leonard’s shirt, and lifting it up and over Leonard’s head. “I’m yours,” Raymond says, falling back onto the bed and pulling Leonard down on top of him.

 

Leonard slips in between Raymond’s legs and almost immediately, Raymond’s legs lift to lock around his own, holding him in place. He props himself up on his arms, looking down at Raymond.

 

“Hi,” he says, fully conscious that he’s slowing things down. He _wants_ Raymond, but he wants to savor this. He wants their first time to be slow, sensual, sweet. He doesn’t care if that’s sappy, he just wants it to be perfect.

 

“Hey,” Raymond says in response, beaming up at him.

 

Leonard leans down and kisses Raymond. He goes slow, taking his time getting to know Raymond’s rhythm, the way he moves, the way he tastes. His arms move up until his elbows are on either side of Raymond’s neck, his fingers tangling in the other man’s thick, soft hair.

 

Raymond’s hands start on Leonard’s hips, but wander as the kiss progresses. First, they caress up and down his back, trailing heat along with his fingertips. It’s been a long time since someone has touched Leonard’s skin—and probably never like this—and it feels like heaven. Raymond’s hands then run over his shoulders, down along the curve of his biceps, and back up, moving their way lower and lower until they stop on Leonard’s ass.

 

Leonard breaks the kiss, looking down at Raymond, a question in his eyes.

 

Raymond responds by simultaneously squeezing Leonard’s ass and rolling his hips up, his erection pressing insistently against Leonard. “Just in case you didn’t notice,” he pants, grinning wide and loose.

 

“I noticed,” Leonard says dryly, but smiles back. “Thanks for letting me know, though—I really appreciate it.”

 

“Mmm,” Raymond responds, lazily rolling his hips again.

 

Leonard whimpers. God, he should be so embarrassed, but he’s too far gone in this. He’s got no room right now for any negative emotions—everything is bright sunshine, radiant and warm.

 

“Tell me what you want, Leonard,” Raymond repeats. “I’ll do _anything_ , just talk to me—tell me, _sweetheart_ , tell me what you want.”

 

“Anything?” Leonard asks, dropping his head to press kisses along Raymond’s chiseled jaw. “ _Anything_?”

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Raymond moans, “ _yes_. _Anything_.”

 

Leonard doesn’t know how to answer. He wants everything, it’s all too much—he doesn’t know where to start. But, most of all— “I wanna make you feel good, _darling_ , I wanna make you happy. So, tell me, what do _you_ want?”

 

Raymond hums happily, the sound vibrating through Leonard as he moves his mouth down Raymond’s neck. “I want you to _fuck_ _me_ ,” Raymond mutters, dragging his fingertips up the scarred skin of Leonard’s back. Leonard looks up from where he’s been nipping at Raymond’s collarbone.

 

“Are you sure?” he asks. “I mean, I would _love to_ , don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want you to feel rushed—we can work up to that. Hell,” Leonard says, nuzzling his nose against Raymond’s broad chest, “I’d be happy with dry-humping and sloppy makeouts, as long as it’s with you.”

 

Raymond laughs, rubbing his hand gently over Leonard’s scalp. “Yes, Leonard, I really want that.”

 

“Good thing you brought condoms,” Leonard murmurs into Raymond’s chest.

 

“I thought you might have seen them,” Raymond laughs, as Leonard reluctantly peels himself off and up to go fetch them. “Never hurts to be prepared.”

 

“ _Boy Scout_ ,” Leonard teases, fishing through Raymond’s drawer. “Ooh,” he says, finding other varied items of interest in there, “you even brought _lube_ —good boy.” Maybe he can get Raymond to call him a good boy, but in the meantime, it doesn’t hurt to say it to the other man.

 

“Like I said,” Raymond replies, propping himself up on his elbows to watch Leonard’s progress, “I like being prepared. It’s the _Eagle Scout_ in me.”

 

“I’d make a joke,” Leonard says, bringing his spoils back to the bed, “about _Eagle Scouts_ and being inside, but I’ll refrain, especially since I’m the one who’s going to be inside an Eagle Scout.”

 

Raymond laughs, throwing his head back. It’s a beautiful sound, a beautiful sight, and Leonard is enamored.

 

He drops the lube and wrapped condom on the bed, and waits for Raymond to meet his eyes again. Raymond does, after laughing for a few more seconds—and Leonard loves watching his chest rise and fall with his gasping laughs. Then, once he has Raymond’s attention, he hooks his thumbs in the waistbands of his sweatpants and boxer-briefs, and pulls them both down, stepping out of them.

 

His eyes flick back up from the floor, to see that Raymond’s eyes are raking up and down his body. He’d feel awkward, but he doesn’t—not with the lust he sees clearly written across the other man’s face.

 

“ _Fuck_ , Leonard,” Raymond says, “how are you so _goddamn sexy_?”

 

Leonard grins, feeling okay in his skin for the first time in a long time. No, not okay, _good_. _Great_. He feels _sexy_. It’s a good feeling.

 

“Your turn,” he says, climbing onto the bed and kneeling, slipping his fingers under Raymond’s waistband. “May I?” he asks.

 

“Please, be my guest,” Raymond says, gesturing magnanimously and grinning.

 

Leonard pulls off Raymond’s sweatpants and boxers in one fluid motion. This time, unlike the last time he’d seen Raymond naked, he lets himself ogle. He lets out a low, long whistle. “Wow.”

 

Raymond laughs again. “Yeah, it’s big.”

 

“Big?” Leonard asks, his voice strangled. “Raymond, you’re _hung_.”

 

“I know,” Raymond says, shrugging, his grin fading somewhat. “It’s, uh, too much for most people. _But_ ,” he continues, happier again, “I just get fucked a lot instead, so it could be worse.”

 

“And you like that?” Leonard asks, opening the bottle of lube and coating his fingers until they’re slick.

 

Raymond’s smile grows. “I _love_ it.”

 

“Well,” Leonard says, shifting closer and settling in between Raymond’s legs, “aren’t you just a power bottom.”

 

“That’s me!” Raymond coos happily, spreading his legs unashamedly to give Leonard better access.

 

Leonard leans over him, kissing the other man soundly once more, before pulling back. He presses one hand flat against Raymond’s stomach and slowly pushes the index finger of his other hand into Raymond. This time, it’s Raymond who whimpers. He throws his head back for the briefest moment, before gluing his eyes back on what Leonard is doing.

 

“You like to watch, pretty boy?” Leonard asks, smirking as he pushes in another finger. Raymond is hot and slick around his fingers, and his cock twitches in response as he thinks about how _good_ it’s going to feel, fucking Raymond.

 

Raymond moans in response. “God, _Leonard_ ,” he says, “I want you—please—” His sentence chokes off in a gasp as Leonard angles the motion of his fingers to brush against Raymond’s prostate. “ _Please_ ,” he begs when he can form words again, “I _need_ you inside me.”

 

“Patience,” Leonard mutters, rubbing his free hand gently across Raymond’s stomach. “Let me work.” He wants nothing more at the moment, but he also wants to make sure this is as good as it can be for the other man. He wants to make sure Raymond doesn’t get hurt—no matter how much Raymond purports to be hard to break, Leonard doesn’t want to do anything to risk that.

 

“I don’t wanna be patient,” Raymond whines, pushing his hips down to drive Leonard’s fingers deeper inside of him.

 

Leonard laughs, pushing in a third finger. “Needy, aren’t you?” he jokes, not-so-secretly pleased at Raymond’s reactions.

 

“For you?” Raymond replies breathlessly. “ _Always_.”

 

_Fuck_ , Leonard’s brain goes blank for a second. Raymond’s words echo through his body, sending shivers down his spine. _Always_. Leonard stills the motion of his fingers, leaning down to kiss Raymond soundly. Raymond’s hands cup his face as they kiss deeply and passionately.

 

“ _Leonard_ ,” Raymond gasps against his lips after a minute, “ _please fuck me_.”

 

Okay, Leonard figures, that’s enough preparation. “With pleasure,” he mutters, giving Raymond a quick peck on the lips before pulling back, drawing his fingers out of Raymond. He quickly strokes himself back to fully hard from half-mast and rolls the condom on.

 

“You ready?” he asks, lining himself up.

 

Raymond nods, quickly. “I’m so _fucking ready_ , Leonard, _please_ —”

 

Leonard cuts Raymond off by pushing in. Raymond moans, a low, rumbling noise that only spurs Leonard on. Leonard hears himself moaning, too, with Raymond tight and hot around his cock.

 

“ _God, Raymond_ ,” Leonard groans as he pushes in slowly, “you feel _amazing_.”

 

“Right back atcha,” Raymond huffs out in a breathless laugh.

 

Of course sex with Ray Palmer is light, sunny, full of laughter, Leonard thinks, as he moves in and out, keeping a slow, steady rhythm. He’d be confused if it were anything else. Raymond writhes underneath him, making soft, sweet noises at every gentle thrust of Leonard’s hips.

 

Because, fuck, Leonard wants this to _last_ —he wants Raymond to feel worshiped. He wants to kneel at the altar of Ray Palmer, to make his offering to this god-like man.

 

“ _You’re beautiful_ ,” Leonard murmurs. “I love the way you feel, I love the sounds you make—I wanna make you feel good, does this feel good, _darling_?”

 

“Yes, oh _yes_ ,” Raymond responds, panting. “Yes, _Leonard_ , I—you feel so good inside me, _fuck_.”

 

Leonard grins, leaning down to kiss Raymond, slipping his tongue into the other man’s mouth. He shifts his position from kneeling to lying between Raymond’s legs so he can get a better angle on the kiss.

 

Raymond’s hands scramble on his lower back, grasping onto his ass to use as leverage. Leonard lets Raymond guide his hips, lets Raymond pick up the pace slightly. He feels warm all over, and he can tell that he’s getting close to orgasm, but he wants to make sure Raymond comes first.

 

“How are you doing, love?” Leonard asks when the kiss breaks.

 

“I’m _so good_ ,” Raymond pants out, his eyes wide and pupils blown out. “Oh, _god_ , Leonard, I’m _so close_.”

 

“Good, _good boy_ ,” Leonard mutters, rolling his hips and changing the angle of his thrusts to hit better against Raymond’s prostate.

 

Raymond cries out at that, shifting his hand from Leonard’s ass to wrap around his own cock instead. He jerks himself off in quick, sharp motions, yelping as Leonard moves faster.

 

“Leonard—fuck, _Leonard_ , I’m gonna come, _fuck!_ ” Raymond half-shouts.

 

Leonard feels the other man’s muscles clench around his cock as Raymond comes in thick spurts over his own chest. Leonard slows his pace but keeps up a rhythm as Raymond rides out the orgasm.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Raymond repeats, gasping for air. He reaches up to caress Leonard’s face and says, “That felt amazing, _sweetheart_.”

 

Taken by surprise, Leonard gasps in a breath and comes in pulsing waves. He thrusts into Raymond a few final times. “Oh, _holy fuck_ ,” he moans, collapsing on top of Raymond when he finishes coming. “ _Raymond_.”

 

Raymond laughs lightly and pets Leonard’s head, his fingertips rubbing gently over close-cropped hair. “Mmm,” he says, his voice happy and warm. “That was really nice.”

 

Leonard hums in agreement as he catches his breath, pulling out and rolling off Raymond.

 

He slips the condom off and throws it in the vague direction of the trash can and grabs a tissue to clean the come off Raymond’s stomach and chest. He also throws the used tissue in the direction of the trash can, before turning back over to curl up against the other man’s side.

 

After a few minutes while their breathing and heart-rates slow, Raymond speaks again. “Did you call me ‘love?’” he asks, quietly. “Did I hear that correctly?”

 

Oh, fuck. Leonard kicks his brain into gear, thinking back. _Shit_ , he did. Shit, that’s too much, too soon, and Raymond is going to—

 

“Don’t freak out,” Raymond says, craning his neck to press a kiss to the top of Leonard’s head. “I liked it, _a lot_. I just wanted to make sure I heard you correctly.”

 

“Yeah,” Leonard admits, cautiously.

 

“You know, I meant what I said in the sauna,” Raymond says, slowly, like he’s choosing his words very carefully. Leonard tries not to panic. “I know we just got together but, Leonard, I’ve cared for you so deeply for a while now, and I do—I _love_ you.”

 

Leonard takes a deep breath, letting the panic wash over and through him. He lets it bleed out, slipping away like water through his fingers. He’s allowed to have this. He’s allowed to want this. He’s allowed to _feel_ this.

 

“I love you, too, Raymond.” And he does. He’s never been sure of anything like he’s sure of the fact that he’s in love with Ray Palmer. He peeks up to see that Raymond is smiling over at him, so wide and bright that Leonard feels the warmth of it.

 

“Yeah?” Raymond asks, glee clear in his voice.

 

“Yes, you idiot,” Leonard responds, looking away to bury his face once again in Raymond’s chest. “Of course I do.”

 

“You _love me_ ,” Raymond crows and turns on his side, gathering Leonard in his arms. He snuggles up, wrapping himself around Leonard. “ _You love me_ ,” he repeats, kissing as much of Leonard’s face as he can reach.

 

Leonard laughs, curling his arms around Raymond in response. “You _dork_ ,” he teases, basking in the kisses and the pure joy radiating from the other man. “Yeah, I love you,” he repeats, “you giant, over-sized, nerdy, puppy.”

 

“Giant and over-sized mean, like, the same thing,” Raymond says, nuzzling against Leonard’s scalp.

 

“I don’t care, you’re both,” Leonard says through his laughter, clutching the other man tight.

 

“I can live with that,” Raymond replies happily. “I love you,” he says again, his voice so full of warm emotion that it sends shivers down Leonard’s spine. “I’m glad—I’m happy we made it here. To this point.”

 

“Me too,” Leonard agrees. “ _Me too_.”

 

The two of them slowly sink into sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms. Leonard has never felt this happy, this cared for, this _loved_.

 

He never wants this moment to end.

 

* * *

 

Leonard wakes up content and cozy. It takes him a few seconds to remember why, but the reason clicks quickly into place when he feels someone shift against him with a soft noise. _Right_ , he thinks, _Raymond_.

 

He’s _dating_ Raymond, now. For real. And, _oh_ , they’re both naked, that’s _nice_. Leonard smiles as he runs his hand along the smooth expanse of skin that is Raymond’s back.

 

“Mmm,” Raymond murmurs, stirring only to snuggle in closer. “G’morning.”

 

“ _Hi_ ,” Leonard replies. “Good morning, sleepy.”

 

Raymond makes a noncommittal noise. Leonard would think the other man is still asleep, if it weren’t for Raymond’s wandering hands. One of them, the one pressed against the mattress, is caressing Leonard’s face, mapping out the lines of it. The other hand runs up and down Leonard’s back, following the curve of his ass and making its way to his thigh to pull Leonard’s leg on top of his own.

 

“Oh,” Leonard says as he feels Raymond’s erection grinding against him, “ _hello_.”

 

“I was dreaming about you,” Raymond mutters, his hand firm on the underside of Leonard’s thigh, holding it in place.

 

“Were you now?” Leonard asks, swallowing a whimper as Raymond rolls his hips, the friction of the motion getting him hard.

 

Raymond hums an affirmation and shuffles around until he can comfortably lean forward and kiss Leonard. He pushes his tongue insistently into Leonard’s mouth, and Leonard takes it in, enjoying that Raymond is taking the lead. Raymond runs his hand up Leonard’s thigh, slipping it into the space between their bodies and wrapping it around both of their cocks.

 

It feels _heavenly_ , and Leonard can only thrust his hips lazily into Raymond’s hand, focusing on the sensations of Raymond rubbing up against him and kissing him soundly. He feels like his brain is on vacation—he can’t form coherent thoughts, past the word ‘ _boyfriend_ ’ bubbling up every once in a while.

 

Leonard feels sparks running through his body and he pulls back from the kiss, resting his forehead against Raymond’s as his boyfriend— _boyfriend!_ —jacks them both off with skillful, slick motions. They’re both panting heavily now, soft moans mingling in the air. Raymond comes first again, with a quiet cry of Leonard’s name.

 

After taking a few seconds to collect himself, Raymond returns his attention to Leonard’s cock, his long fingers stroking gently but firmly. Leonard throws his head back, and Raymond takes that as a cue to start nipping at Leonard’s neck. It’s enough to push Leonard over the edge and he comes, swearing.

 

“Wow,” Leonard says, when his brain clicks back on. “What a way to wake up.”

 

Raymond laughs and kisses Leonard lightly. “My new favorite way to wake up,” he agrees. “How are you doing?”

 

Leonard smiles at him. “I’m in bed with _you_ , so I’m great. You?”

 

“Mmm, same.” He sighs. “We should get up and shower.”

 

“Damn,” Leonard groans, rolling onto his back. “I wanna stay in bed forever.”

 

“Me too,” Raymond says, reaching out to place a hand on Leonard’s stomach, rubbing his thumb up and down. Leonard looks down at the hand, and then over at Raymond. “Is this okay?” Raymond asks, stilling the motion.

 

“Keep going,” Leonard commands softly. It feels _good_. Nobody has never touched him like this—with such tenderness. With such _love_. He feels a smile blooming on his face as his eyes remain on Raymond, taking in the sight of his gorgeous boyfriend—of the affectionate look in his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

Raymond leans forward slowly, kissing Leonard again. Leonard wants to never stop; he wants to stay like this forever, but they should get up and shower, they really should. He pulls back reluctantly. “Okay, fine, we should get up,” he says, rolling his eyes.

 

“We can shower together, though,” Raymond reminds him, his voice full of barely-contained glee.

 

And, fuck, he’s right. Leonard grins, climbing out of bed and leading Raymond into the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

Leonard and Raymond stand outside with Niraj while everyone else is at lunch. Rip drives up, pulling around to stop in front of them. Well, Sara does—she’s driving. Rip is in the passenger seat, looking severe as he always is on missions.

 

“Niraj, I take it,” Rip says as greeting, holding his hand out to the man, who nods.

 

Sara pulls Leonard and Raymond away as Rip starts talking to Niraj. She looks between the two of them, calculating. “Did you two finally stop being idiots?” she asks, finally.

 

Raymond grins wide, and Leonard rolls his eyes. He would have liked to make Sara work for the information, but he can’t fault his boyfriend for being overexcited. “Yeah, Sara,” Leonard says, “we’re done being stupid. You happy?”

 

Sara punches him in the arm, smirking. “Fucking _finally_ ,” she hisses at them.

 

“ _Ow_ , Sara,” Leonard complains, rubbing his arm where she hit him.

 

“Thanks, Sara,” Raymond says, still grinning—and ignoring the fact that Sara just punched Leonard. “We’re dating now—for real! Thanks for sending us on this mission!”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sara says, “I can’t believe it took you morons this long.”

 

“Shut up,” Leonard says, glaring.

 

Sara just laughs at him. “Nope, not buying it. You’re happy, you big sap, I can see it written all over your face.”

 

Raymond grins at her words, draping his arm over Leonard’s shoulders. “I’m very happy, too,” he chirps.

 

Leonard sighs and gives up. “Fine,” he says, and lets himself smile, half of his mouth turning up. “I’m happy.”

 

“Well,” Rip says, coming back over with Niraj in tow, “this is fascinating, I’m sure. I’ll be coming back tonight to have another conversation with Niraj, are you two coming back to the ship?”

 

“Nu-uh,” Sara says, “they’re finishing out the week.”

 

“Excuse me?” Rip asks.

 

“I want to maintain quiet on my ship for a few days,” Sara explains, “which means I want to let them stay _here_ and have as much loud sex as they want before they get back on the Waverider. Not that I think they _won’t_ continue to have loud sex when they get back on the ship, I just—I want to not have to hear it for a few more days.”

 

“Hey,” Leonard protests, “why do you think we’re loud?”

 

Sara rolls her eyes. “Neither of you ever shuts the fuck up, that’s why.”

 

“She has a point,” Raymond mutters. Leonard does have to admit she’s right, which is annoying.

 

“Right,” Rip says, while Niraj laughs.

 

“So the whole, ‘it’s complicated’ thing,” Niraj says, “that’s all fixed?”

 

“Yeah,” Raymond says, beaming.

 

“Good, glad to hear it,” Niraj says. “Shall we head back inside? Actually make an appearance at lunch?”

 

Leonard and Raymond nod, say goodbye to Sara and Rip, and follow Niraj inside.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the week passes in a blissful haze. Rip and Niraj meet up to talk a few more times, before they both declare they’re good, that they’re done talking about the Time Masters. Other than that, Leonard just tries to enjoy the time he has with Raymond, away from their nosy teammates.

 

He’s glad that Sara is making them stay, making them finish out the week. It gives them time to figure each other out a little more, before running head-first back into danger and having no quiet time to themselves.

 

Because Leonard is sure, the second they step foot back on the Waverider, the pace is going to kick up again and the two of them are only going to have their nights to spend together. Speaking of—Raymond has already asked Leonard to move into his room. Or, for Raymond to move into Leonard’s room, he’s not picky.

 

“I want to spend as much time with you as possible,” Raymond had said, “and that includes not having to figure out whose room we’re going to sleep in each night. I want to always share your bed, I want to always wake up to you, okay?”

 

Leonard had felt warm all over, and had decided to move his stuff into Raymond’s room. After all, Raymond’s bed is slightly bigger—and his room is at one end of the hallway, instead of sandwiched between Mick’s room and Nate’s room.

 

Sam notices the change, but they chalk it up to Leonard getting over thinking he wasn’t the right fit for Raymond, and doesn’t say anything past, “I’m happy for you, Leo.”

 

As the week draws to a close, though, Leonard can feel himself getting antsy. He’s never been good at sitting still.

 

“I’m ready to get back to work,” Raymond says, curled up in bed with Leonard on their last night at the retreat. “I’m glad we did this, I’m glad we stayed, but I’m ready.”

 

“Me too,” Leonard replies, running his fingers through Raymond’s hair. Raymond’s head is pillowed on his chest, a hand caressing his stomach. Leonard has learned that that’s one of Raymond’s favorite things: Leonard’s soft, squishy belly. In the span of a few days, Leonard has gone from self-conscious about it to loving when Raymond focuses his whole attention on it.

 

It feels to Leonard like things just clicked into place; like they were always headed here. From that very first moment on that rooftop, to here and now. Ray Palmer feels like coming home, and Leonard has never had a home like this before.

 

He’s never been able to make his home with a person, and he has never been happier than he is, right now, with Raymond.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, thanks to the coldatomies for beta-ing and screaming with me and just being awesome in general, love you all
> 
> say hi on [tumblr](http://snartbaiting.tumblr.com)


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